I go to college in western new york and I'm having a ton of problems up here.
It really started my first day of sophomore year (this year). I thought everybody would come back changed and really cool....just like I changed. I went to Hawaii for a week and a half, and met a few locals (especially a local girl) and we hung out whenever I wasn't with my family. I adopted their layed back lifestyle, and hustle, no drama attitude toward life, and loved it.
Now that I'm in college again, I can't stand it here. Every night there's some kind of new drama. All I want to do is have fun, chill with my friends, and be liek I was in Hawaii, just chill and relaxed and loving life.
I don't love it though. Every weekend there's some kind of drama, and it's really getting to me. I can't stand everything thats going on, im depressed, I'm failing (and if i fail this semester I'm out of college) and I have no idea what to do (if I can do anything).
adopt and adapt. you want to enjoy your laid back lifestyle. DO IT. 1st rule of being laid back? That Drama isnt yours. shrug it off. walk away from the situation. if your "friends" give you shit. shrug those fuckers off too. laid back is exactly what you make of it dude.. I know. Im as laid back as they come.
adapt. you have to make this work. its your career your working towards as your ultimate goal in getting through college. you HAVE to do this. Only you can make that happen on your terms. being laid back can help you deal with alot of your issues. depression is a serious thing. You have to work through it though. being laid back can help you shrug it off. think of it as.. wtf? Im depressed... about what? fucking A nothing thats that important to keep me from keepin on. and bring yourself up with the fact that you can shrug off anything.
so open up to us.. what kind of drama is keeping you down? What did you do in Hawaii that got you to be so laid back? as in, didja smoke some herb? now your a pothead who just wants to chill? the girl you spoke of.. did you guys hit it off to a level other than friends?
I seriously deal with a ton of fucking drama all the time. Being laid back is the only why I could ever cope with the shit I see.. cause it rolls right off.. its not my drama..
first tsmo...thank you....sometimes its other people that need to say it all to you.
so now to answer your inquiries:
drama thats keeping me down: a girl i got to know this year, plutonically, moved away without even like, telling me. I really liked chilling with her. She was a very cool person, liked hockey, and recognized that one time when i bailed on her for liie 30 mins when we were chillin at a pro team hockey practice because I was making a connection with the head of interns for that pro team. Like this girl I thought we were like really close friends...then one day i go to see her and all of her stuff is gone. I just always wonder if i could have kept her here.
another one...my suitemates are all really cool guys. all different in their own ways, but i like who i live with. Here's the thing, out of us six guys, three have girlfriends. one of over 2 years, one of over 14 months, and one of about a month. I only get along really with one of the girls (names changed on the off chance someone knows these people: sheena q, samantha s, and ashley a), and that is sheena q. I hate how they're ALWAYS IN MY ROOM. I never have time to chill out and watch TV, when I want to watch hockey, they want to watch a movie....guess who is f**ked?
I've had verbal arguements with the ladies (with the exception of sheena q) and they come up to my room and like have the gall to tell me to clean my damn toilet, to pick up MY floor, to febreeze MY common room couch. It's like....what the hell? I understand if it's THEIR room....or if MY SUITEMATES tell me to do something...because we LIVE there.....they DONT.
finally....my like best friend from the dorms, lives one floor above me....he's moving. Granted it's like 1500 feet away, off campus, but its the fact i cant walk up a flight to see him. His GF (who i am VERY good friends with) is now starting unnecessary s**t with another one of my friends, and its really bothering me the stuff they say to her.
Maybe these problems I shouldn't worry about....but I just appeal to everyone I'm involved with the famous Mars Attacks line: "Can't we all just....get along?"
I've stopped trying recently....but i HATE drama on all sides of me.
what i did in hawaii: didn't smoke or anything. It's just the air, the people, the way of life. I fell in love with it instantly. On my first day there I sat on the beach as the pacific ocean hit my sandy feet, and I told myself, this starts a brand new chapter. This is the way I want to live. Just calm, serene, peaceful. And to top it off, I saw the best sunrise ever. Like, it was on Mount Haleaka’la, the tallest volcano in Hawai'i. I saw the sunrise, and then looked 180 degrees the other was and saw more stars than I had ever seen here, by like, 10,000 fold, and I'm NOT joking....I just felt calm, and it carried over. If you ever get a chance....go....you won't regret it. And the girl, we hit it off but we didnt kid ourselves, we knew we were never gonna see wach other again...so we really didn't do anything. But she tought me all the customs....the "hang loose" sign, that mahalo doesn't mean thank you, as it is translated...it means "love" and "love for your family".
But your advice is very true....in the wise words of stiffler from american wedding "yea, f**k those f**kers." I shouldn't worry about anyone but myself. I just have to remind myself of that....as well as I need others to remind me.
Thank you, and hopefully good kharma will come to you for this,
sounds like youve got a good head on your shoulders, 1st off. so THAT in itself is fucking golden.
Drama issue #1. Pull your roomies together in one room and let them know straight up, hey. I love you guys, but keep your bitches in check.. the next one to tell me how to live my life is gonna get an ear full. Id rather not, as they are your women, and I respect that.. so please have them show me enough respect as to not come into my room and tell me what to do.. I wouldnt ever do that to you guys.. I expect the same. .. If they cant understand or deal with that.. then you may try to find better rommies..
as for the TV issue.. yeah. that sucks.. get a tv on your room or something.. or. just tell them your in the middle of watching a game. you were there 1st., and unless they want to give you $20 to go a see a movie... fuck off..
other than that... thats all the drama I really see up there in that post bro..
Girls come and go in your life all the time. Some you wont be able to get rid of soon enough. others will be a huge disapointment when they leave.. sucks. but such is life. and I for one am one that thinks everything happens for a reason.. good and bad, it all has its place in your life.. if not to only make you a stronger person.
I have been to Hawaii. The island of Oahu.. spent about a week there strolling the beach on Wakiki and seeing Pearl Harbor.. all that stuff. Youre right.. Its a fucking blast there.. Hawaiians rock, and the japs are fucking pushy.
again. sounds like you know whats up with everything.. keep your head clear, focus on your studies. Have a good time when your not.. and let the shit roll right off your back bro..
As I think of more and more smart ass remarks for your roomies girlfirends.. the one that keeps popping in my head is .. Im sorry.. are you fucking me? no? then I suggest you gtfo of my room..
ok, well first off, i must agree with tsmo on all points. (specially what to say to the girlfriends lol) but seriously, you need to talk to your roomies and let them know whats up. if the girls tell you to clean up, say somethin like "if you don't like it, clean it up" not mean, but not all that nice either. and if you are watching a game, tuff luck for them! go watch the movie at one of their places.
and i have been laid back all my life. all ya gotta do really is not think about it. i have had some drama in my life, but as tsmo said, let it go. don't let it bother you. just step clear of it. basicly all you can do.
I was at a small party thursday. Met this girl jill. We hit it off really well, i mean, this was one of the first girls on this damned to hell campus that i really hit it off with and really felt a connection to just by talking. So to mkake a long story short, we continued the party to another kids room...then walked her back to her dorm. We were smoking a clove and we were snuggling close to keep warm...then after we were done talking....a natural kiss just kind of....came....i mean....it felt so natural...not forced not anything.
We went then inside to her common room and continued the make-out session...had a lot of fun, and i showed her to her door and left...Happy as all fuck because I'm thinkin I'm seeing this girl tomorrow.
I wake up at 3 in the aftrenoon and leave her a mesg "if you wanna come to my friend Ryans party....gimme a shout...bring some friends too..." and i get a reply back "no, i don't think I'm gonna go. My grandma isn't feeling too well so I'm not going out."
Sensing some sort of cop out (can you blame me?) i said "look, if you think last night was a mistake, i'll take it as that. I've been on both sides of the 'mistake' column. So i mean, if it was...tell me and I won't bother you anymore." and she just responded "okay." and we kinda left it at that. an hour later she signed off....never to be see signed on again.
So just out of curiousity, i went on my friend bird's SN and looked up hers.....sure as all shit she was online. So out of more curiosity, i checked her facebook. And sure enough i saw "in a relationship" on her "relationship status" tab.
I have my own opinions....i wanna know yours.
Did i screw up in any way?
Did she just kind of take me for a ride?
Was she a lot more drunk than she acted and that was the only thing that made her act the way she did?
And considering her other friends i met that night are treating me like im this kind of cancer that should be quarantined....i think she's told people NOT to talk to me....or SOMETHING.
It's all f-ed up and its f-ing with my mind. I can't even get over this. This stuff always seems to happen to me with women. I can't ever find a good woman to be in a steady relationship with. And that's what I want. Something steady in my life.
well, I certianly dont think you did anything wrong.
If she was in a relationship prior to meeting you, she shouldnt have led you on.. period.
soooo.. it would be in good reason for her to distance herself from you, as, she cant really be in both relationships right? sucks.. but thats life bro.
I would imagine her friends may not associate with you simply because her "other" may get word somehow. small campus? you never know.. Im guessin here anyway.. never went to college.. dated a girl who left for college.. and yeah. she cheated on me pretty quick.. so.. the advice is of course.. let it roll..
youll be okay. your young. in control of your emotions. and will have to deal with shit like this for awhile until the right one comes along.. Youll meet women who wow you. then youll date them only to find other women who wow you even more.. think your havin issues now.. wait till that happens.. and it does.
Enjoy all your experiences. good and bad. learn from them. it builds character.. and yeah. thats kinda harsh, but thats life. Every single fucker on this board can relate to what your going through. youre not alone.
visit the rest of the board. stop by the BOTH, enjoy what they have to offer in there. Its quite humorous and they are some funny fuckers in there. Vent a little. Its all good.
WElcome to New York. Drama central.
I take it you might be out by Oswego, Or Elmira..
Like these guys say. Just keep doing your own thing and don't get involved. Being laid back has its advatages.
And the woman thing. Just take it for what it was. A fun night. You might have scared her with the reply about the night before. After she said her Gram was sick. There are plenty of birds out there. Sometimes you just need to lay back and let them come to you. And when you know they are copping out, let them think you don't know its a cop out.
Games and drama suck. But sometimes you have to play to get in it.
It sounds bad, but for some reason I've noticed that anywhere north of kentucky, people seem rather...uptight. Not sure why, save one personal experience where the friends I was staying with in Cleveland, nearly got us all arrested, then got us home at 4am where they nearly trashed their own house and I almost had to drive back to Dallas while drunk off my ass and having been up all day.
All because one of the guys couldn't let it sluff off being called a fag by some total stranger.