marklar

click on one of our sponsors! OR REMOVE ADS

My girlfriend needs a lot of attention. We all have her problems, and hers are pretty real.. Anyway, ever since she opened up to me I've been here to baby her and give her all the attention she needs. That shoulder to cry on, you know?
Problem is, I'm sick of babying her. I can see that I've changed. I get so wrapped up in her problems that I forget about myself and my friends. I need to ease my way back into being me and not just merely a shoulder to cry on. Yeah, my shoulder will always be here.. but it's getting a little out of control. I can't keep breaking away from social situations time after time to hold her while she cries. I haven't been able to just relax and hang out with the guys in weeks.
How do I get out of this mess?

UrbanHustle

Does she take advantage of you? I mean, use her "emotional problems" to control you.

marklar

nothing ridiculous, she doesn't use her tears to get me to buy her things or anything like that. but she uses them to drag me away from any sort of social situation and give all of my attention to her. I've had to leave countless parties and events early to take her home because she was acting like a 2 year old.

maggiesdragons

Tell her that sometimes you need the social interaction with others to keep you grounded. I know of some people that are the opposite and need peace to regroup and others need social interactions to keep from feeling lonely and what not...

If you need it take it, it will make you a stronger person to tell her you need it and then do it, don't let her stop you... if you need to get one of her friends over to baby sit her need while you go out.

fmb

Definitely glad to see you've been able to step back, analyze this situation, and see you're being taken advantage of. It's okay to need a helping hand and shoulder to cry on; it's NOT okay for these needs to occur every 10 minutes.

I think you should really review where you're at with this relationship. Do you believe the relationship will improve? Will this problem continue to resurface and cause tension between the two of you? If so, consider leaving this relationship before you have much more invested here.

BTW, you're writing seems to lean toward you being a male, but the icon with your user name indicates female. Did we miss something? If it's accurate, that's okay too. I still would not change my recommendation.

marklar

Hah, actually yes I am a male, that's my mistake there.
Thank you all for your help, the situation seems to be getting better. I've been standing my ground but there's still a bit of drama on her side. I figure she's just having a hard time adjusting so I'll give it some time.

BackdoorJesus

I fixed it for you cuz I'm cool like that

couple things here...

If you're 21, you are too young to be in a long-term committed relationship anyway - I suggest you cool things down & start seeing what else life has to offer.

If this person has real problems, and is this upset all the time, she needs professional help/counseling - be a friend and encourage her to seek it out, don't be a sucker by playing the role of amateur shrink.

___________________________________________

Indigenous

I've run into a lot of girls like this. Fortunately, I usually kept running.

Women like this- let me rephrase that, girls like that are basically just using drama to be the center of attention. Everything needs to be focused on them, and if they feel it isn't, they throw a tantrum.

Now I don't mean to rag on your gf, I'm quite sure she has many redeeming qualities (smart, funny, no gag reflex, etc) or you wouldn't be with her.

But the point remains that a relationship is a balancing act. Each partner should feel like exactly that. A partner. Not a babysitter, not a doormat. And right now it seems like the scales are tipped waaaay on her side.

My advice: Stop being her emotional crutch and get her to take responsibility for her own life and her own emotions. Don't cut her off or stop being supportive, but let her know you are not a walking box of kleenex.

If she can't get over herself and start treating you like an equal, then maybe it's time to find someone who can.