UrbanHustle

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So, I've been married to a woman that I was with nearly 3-years before marrying. She is 26 now, and I'll be 25 on the 25th of this month. I married her at 19.

Soon after we were married, I cheated on her. It wasn't a sexual relationship, but just a few kisses and groping, that's about it. One night, the "mistress" called my house at about 2a. I answered, and my wife asked who it was, I froze, hung up, and told her I didn't know. Well, of course, being I hesitated, she questioned my intentions. I lied to cover it up. We continued on our marriage, and of course, there were questions. Within this time, I was lying to cover up other lies, because I was scared of losing her.

So, fast forward about 5-years or so. Up til this point, our relationship was rocky. We ended up having a son, who is now two. My wife has a good friend, who happens to be a lesbian. Well, right under my nose, they started fucking around. I know, most guys would say something like, "That's awesome!" But, it's not, at all. It still hurt, a lot. I began to question our relationship. I left a few times, and came back.

Now, current day, today I told her I didn't want to stay with her. I can't trust her, nor can she trust me. We don't get along and a few things have changed between us. I was a Christian, but grew up, and not anymore. Religion is a HUGE issue with her. She loves animals, dogs specifically, and I can't stand them. We have two, and they piss and shit everywhere, and I'm the one stuck with cleaning them up. She's lazy. She works for her Mom, and of course with the "Mommy Job", you can do what you want. She sleeps in almost everyday, and God forbid, I wake her up.

So, she's still hanging out with this lesbian, who she claims is her best friend, and only her best friend. I question when they go out drinking, and usually can't sleep, only for my wife to come in completely crush drunk.

I hate my life, I hate my house, I almost hate my wife. The only positive thing in my life right now is my son, who has recently started annoying the shit out of me. He's only two, and I understand that, but I think with all the stress of my wife being around, I end up taking a good majority out on him, and after, I feel like a complete idiot.

I've been to counseling four times. Each time, I quit because I was paying out and not receiving any help at all. I decided to take an anger management course, and throughout the 2-times I attended the course, I realized how much I WASN'T angry. I'm not like this around my friends, and I'm not like this around other females, ONLY her.

Either way, I told her I was leaving earlier today, and now I'm questioning it, again. Could someone please reassure this is the right thing to do, not only for me, but for my son?

marklar

do what you have to do to be happy, man.

maggiesdragons

It sounds like you are hurt and with that pain comes anger. you have to get away from her and live your own life... it will make it easier to be around your son... if you don't have the strength to do it for you, ask your self if you want your son around all that pain. Or would you rather get away from her and treat your son better?

I was in a relationship that was just like what you discribed and once I got away I became "normal" again, I was able to be a good parent rather then an irritated one. which the kid can and does pick up on that.

like stated before, what is it gonna take for you to be happy? Ask your self that and set a goal. Stick with it.

I'm sure you will figure it out, and you will be fine.

fmb

I've gotta back much of what maggiesdragons has to say. I've went through some crappy times when I was married; I have to say my life is much better, more enjoyable, and I'm a happier man now that my divorce is over with.

This decision seems very difficult, but may be much easier to accept than you realize. Read what you posted and ask yourself if you want to go back to being miserable, hating your surroundings, and not being as great a parent as you want for your son.

If possible, keep everyone posted and let us know how you're holding up. Good luck!

Juan.©amaney

Gee, who around here would have guessed that marrying someone at 19 would end this way.

You fucked your life up. Deal with it. Your only responsibility now is the kid. Have fun making payments on that for 18 years!

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UrbanHustle

You make it sound like such a chore to support my son. I should've known "Mr. Perfect" was going to walk through the door sometime.

I'm not asking for sympathy, just another perspective.

Juan.©amaney

It is. Because you don't have him every day, you have no say so in what the money goes towards (her nails), you can only have him some holidays, you won't be there for every special ocasion, yet you still have to finance the whole thing. When you could have been real with yourself, told yourself you are too young to be married and WAY too young to be having children. Seriously, not even a year into the marriage and you cheat. Guess you were SOOOOO ready to get married.

You serve as an example to the rest of the guys that come in here talking about "I want to marry my girl but I have an opportunity to cheat on her and she won't find out. Should I do it?"

I'm not perfect, by FAR. But I had enough sense to know 19 was too young and kids are a huge responsibility and SHOULD weigh into my decision on whether or not to cheat on their mother.

Lying to your wife? Pathetic. Once you are married you should be talking about EVERYTHING. Marriage isn't a decision you make when you are that old.

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UrbanHustle

First and foremost, we have no court ordered child support. We have a court approved document showing that I will pay to my child's daycare services, which total $480 per month. Therefore, I know EXACTLY where my money is going. I pay it personally, and receive a receipt for every transaction. We've done it that way in the past, and it won't change anytime soon.

Secondly, you're right about the holiday situation, what else can I say?

Lastly, who are you to say who is ready or who isn't by their age? Infact, I know a couple that got married when they were 17, and they're still happily together 40-years later. The national average for having a child is 25. I had one at 22, is it really that bad? No, of course not, I don't regret it at all.

I shouldn't have cheated, I did. I shouldn't have gotten married so young, but I'm sure you weren't perfect at 19, either. Hell, you probably didn't consider marriage at 19, because you had trouble finding a woman, especially by your "higher than thou" attitude.

We didn't have our first child til AFTER I cheated.

Seriously, get off your high horse and join the rest of us.

Edit: I could stare at the picture in your signature all day long.

thecowboy

I think you are making the best decision for your son by getting out. Being angry with him because of the problems you have with his mother aren't going to help his development as a person, nor his relationship with you.

I guess since this thread is kind of turned into a bash on getting married young, I'll put in my experience: My wife and I got together when I was 19 and she was 17. We married at 21 and 19. We'll be married for five years this October, have two kids and we couldn't be happier. Just because someone is young doesn't mean they don't have the foresight to understand what marriage entails.

nobody

If you can work it out, that's your best bet. The goal shouldn't be just to get along, it should be to fall in love with each other again. The only way you can control what your son is around is to be around. If you get divorced, you have very little control over what your ex does.

maggiesdragons

Not true, I know a couple that got a divorce and the dad... not the mom got the child. It doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. I also know several other people who share the children equally.

It sounds like the marriage is beyond repair, so I don't think thats the best option for him.

CD

Doesn't happen in South Carolina though.

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Juan.©amaney

Who am I? No one. But statistics don't lie. Yeah, I know a guy who got stabbed in the neck and lived, but I wouldn't go around telling people it's okay to get stabbed in the neck.

I'm not on a high horse, guy. I was in the same situation you were, except I chose not to get married to the "love of my life" at 19. Why? Because of what you said yourself, you shouldn't have gotten married so young. Eventually 5 years later, she left. Because I cheated. Because at my age, I hadn't had enough ass to know better. Like you. Now you fucked a perfectly good child out of living with both his parents and having a real house hold.

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fmb

AMEN!!