@man2girlz

hey, as someone who grew up in a house where both parents were constantly at each other's throats, i can give you some firsthand advice that getting out is the best for your son. taking your frustration out on your kid is the innate human thing to do as a man because he's the weakest male in your 'house system' but its definitely going to fuck with his self-image and development, in addition to re-enforcing a negative view of yourself, you also reinforce his mother's negative projection of you to him. I think it would be best for you to take your son out of that house and raise him yourself, but that's all up to you..who knows if you are willing or capable to do this?

At this point it's about him, and ask yourself do you want him to grow up learning from your wife (lazy, unmotivated, careless, irresponsible, cheating, etc) or you?

maggiesdragons

the way I see it is no one is a perfect parent... but you are a great parent as long as you always try your best to give your children the life you can give them, it thats having to split holidays and such... so be it.

It sounds like you know what you need to do... Just keep going and it will become second nature soon enough.

CD

You don't understand what he said. Let me break it down for ya...

You were having a rocky relationship that involved cheating. You THEN decide it's a good idea to have a son while this rocky relationship is going on. You have therefor brought a kid into a volatile relationship. It's possible that the trust could be gained again, but more often then not, it takes a lifetime to build trust and only a moment to take it away. You brought your child into an untrustworthy relationship, when Juan decided he was too "young and dumb" to do that to an innocent kid. It doesn't make him perfect, it makes him human.

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Juan.©amaney

Give the man a cigar.

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UrbanHustle

No, at the time my wife had gotten pregnant with our son, she had no idea that I'd cheated. Our relationship wasn't rocky until she found out AFTER he was already born. My son was about a year old when she found out about me cheating previously.

Now, you, as does Juan, need to learn how to read.

CD

click on one of our sponsors! OR REMOVE ADS

You need to learn how to write better. To say what you said in your first post, and claim otherwise later isn't going to help you.

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UrbanHustle

You're right, it should've been better posted initially. But, either way, it wasn't til after we had our son, that my wife started questioning what had happened.

CD

Incorrect. She questioned you early on.

"The single greatest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

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UrbanHustle

She questioned who it was, we fought for a day or two, and she dropped it. The only reason it came up later was because it got back to her from another friend of mine.

We had our son in a time of our relationship that we were doing getting along and doing alright. It wasn't til a year after he was born that everything started breaking down.

Juan.©amaney

HAH! So you cheating wasn't a sign that the relationship is rocky eh? Good one. Like everything else, it works in cycles. Sometimes you do well, other times not so much.

People like you give people like me a bad rep. I cheat... a lot, but I'm up front about it. I know what I do is wrong, so other than bring women into my life that get a thrill out of trying to change me, I wouldn't dare bring a kid into it...even if we were doing well at the time.

The more you keep trying to convince yourself that you weren't the problem, the more out of reality you seem to be. Face it guy, you weren't ready to be married, you cheated, you brought a child into a fucked up marriage, things eventually fell appart and now you are where you are.

Make the best out of it now, but don't try to make it seem like it was no big deal.

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fmb

Don't take offense with what CD is saying; it's all meant to help you see the bigger picture. Take juans advice; you are where you are. You cannot make the relationship you have better, but you can move on with your life and make the life and relationship your son has with you much better.

Don't get tied up in the minute details; see the bigger picture and responsibilities you have with your son. That's what matters.

butthead006

I agree with juan a lot. Don't take it as an attack which I think you are, he is just being real. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and admit you fucked up. You, not every young couple. I am a child from a very similar situation . I grew up in the fucked up house where it was taken out on me and you won't ever get reprieve from your son if you don't fix it. Just leave and do good for your kid; stop being so God Damned Proud. You still have the opportunity to be a good father. Don't waste it.

Jimdog99

Urban Hustle,

If your child sees nothing but anger and discontent in the marriage, the child will raise their kids the same, so on and so forth. My folks argued like cats and dogs. Yelling all of the time. It was how they communicate. They still do it. I find myself when I start to get irritated with the wife, I raise my voice. This is automatic. Doesn't make it right, I have to try to catch myself from doing it... It was learned and accepted.

I hope for your son's sake you can follow the advice of these others (they seem to know what's up, btw). If no matter what you do and things won't get any better it's time to leave.

File for 50-50 custody. Be prepared for her to get ugly and nasty. You violated her trust. She's probably pretty pissed at you. You have to regain her trust at her own speed, not yours. Women can forgive but most don't forget. No matter what you do or say, she will have to come to terms with it on her own pace.

Who knows, you might rekindle that love that you still have for one another if you handle your responsibilities and facilitate to make your child's life easier. Be supportive in her and your child.

Most of all,
GOOD LUCK.

Hope it works out for the kid.....

Juan.©amaney

Instead of filing for divorce, you can file for a trial separation or something to the effect....that's IF you are willing to let go of the past and try for the little guy. You owe it to him.

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