yellowfish

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Gordon Brown forced to threaten Iran to bolster oil price

LONDON. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been forced to threaten Iran, as the falling oil price continues to jeopardise the retirement savings of up to dozens of energy company CEOs and secret political backers. Insiders say Brown was left little choice but to try to spike the oil price by warning Iran to suspend its programme of building imaginary nuclear weapons.

Defence analysts agree that Iran has managed to build between 8,000 and 15,000 long-range imaginary nuclear missiles, capable of destroying Israel, the Unites States, the moon, and most of space.

There is less certainty about Iran's non-imaginary nuclear capabilities.

However this morning Brown said that the West could not afford to hesitate in preventing a "potential human tragedy".

"Unless we act, and launch some sort of attack against the world's second biggest producer of oil, the golden years of some of the wealthiest people in Britain and the United States could be plunged into a nightmare existence of three-bedroom houses, public transport, and only one international holiday per year," said Brown.

He said that as a Briton, a human being, and a shareholder in BP, he would not allow this "horror scenario" to unfold.

"There is an ancient Hebrew proverb that was told to me by the Commander-in-Chief of the Israeli Air Force: 'Save the retirement annuities of a shadowy billionaire, and you save the world.'

"We owe it to our grandchildren, and to the people who have already spent our grandchildren's pensions, to keep the oil price high."

Meanwhile Tehran has responded to Brown's hawkish statements by reiterating its promise to "bury" Israel.

Speaking from the Scimitar of Devine Vengeance Lifestyle Centre in Tehran, Iran's Deputy Minister of Death to Zionism said that his country was ready to "rain rubble down on the Zionist rapists and their homosexual British lapdogs".

It is unclear how Iran intends to do this, as its ballistic missile arsenal consists of five septic tanks propelled by a mixture of rotting salamis and fermenting beer.

However defence analysts believe that Iran is trying to acquire a dozen steam-powered ballistic catapults from France, which might be able to launch small rocks at Israel.

"They probably can't bury Israel," said Downing Street military attaché Brigadier Lesley Agincourt-Brittle. "But thy could definitely lay down a few inches of gravel in the south of the country, given a favourable wind."

watzizname

We love our pm, he's the dogs bollocks..

yellowfish

that makes me think of the movie 51st state with Samuel Jackson and Robert Carlyle
where Carlyle is explaining to Jackson about how dogs bolloks is a good expression but just plain bollocks is bad


PS speaking about Britain did the Queen just have her powers removed because Brown wants to be in line with the EU?
2 questions come to mind when i read this in the news
a) does the queen still own the army?
b) how do brits feel about this one?

TigerLand

I personaly dont like Brown,the government needs to do more about these kids running havoc on our streets stabbing people and stop putting in jail the home owners and ordinary joe for fighting back against these kids. Few months back i got a visit from the police for grabbing kids by the throats for throwing stones at the homes around here,the kids havnt been back but the police and government seriously need to get on the side of the ordinary public and not the criminals!

I personaly like having the Royal Family run this place but also understand that others dont but while majority rules then thats that.

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All In Red...All In

watzizname

Quite right, unless of course sarcasm rears its ugly head



I'm no expert, but as far as i'm aware, her reduced involvement in the running of this country, is an on going process, thats been in play for a good many years now.

a) The queen is the commander in chief of our armed forces, but the prime minister has overall control.

b) I guess it depends who you speak to, some wonder why we even need a monarchy in this day and age, others are true blue royalist, balls to bone..



Shouldn't worry mate, he'll be gone soon enough, then we can get on with hating the next tosser that's lied his way into number 10..

YaMon

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93crawler

This article is hilarious, where did you get this?