powder19

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So my girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago because she has never been single and wants to be single and figure some parts of her life out, I respected that, though we still hooked up a few times during that span. About 2 months ago she gets a new boyfriend, a guy who she had been friends with for quite sometime, so I figured I got played and cut her off. I thought that was end of story, but a week and a half ago I happened to be at a party she was at...she first straddled me on a couch with a skirt on and was all over me, then we all agreed that was inappropriate since she has a new boyfriend, so I got up and headed to the bathroom, to my amazement she pushed the door open, grabbed me and started making out. She then goes on to tell me that she knows we're going to get back together she just needs her space and says she doesn't even want to be with this guy, 3 days later she breaks up with him and we've been talking now. I've never been so confused, and I've decided to not contact her for at least a month and see what happens. Is this a good idea? Or should I try and pursue? She told me she wants to see what its like being single so I figured I should respect that and just let her do her thing, we had a very intense relationship for 2 years, we lived together, also lived together in another country for 6 months during that time. So I'm just curious if its a good idea to give her some space and break contact for a month or so and do my own thing, or should I try and pursue her? Let me know what you guys think, but I think I'm leaning towards cutting off contact and doing my thing until she gets her head on straight. Thanks to all who reply

skept

Have you been single? If no then I'd say just take your space and enjoy the fruits of single life.

Me.. I have three views - you can either hook up and bone the living fuck out of her then ditch her. View #2 is you can hook up and have a serious relationship. View #3 is that she probably realised this dude was a douche and decided to break up with him and go back to you until she finds the next best thing.

Me personally? I'd bone the fuck out of her, find a new woman, ditch her then move on. But hey thats just me.

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Remember, remember the 5th of November...

Queso

so she pretty much broke up with you to date the other guy and now that the new one's lost it's flavor she wants you back? sounds like 'seeing what it's like to be single' means she wanted to test out new dick but didn't want to cheat on you. I'd stay away from her unless you're just looking for a fuck buddy. She'll just date you till she finds another guy she wants to bone and do it again.

clamsrus

listen to Quesco!
but remember if you've been together that long and you communicate....not just have a sexual relationship, then maybe you need to talk properly around the real issues rather than just talking about "single"...........we are all single.......it's who with and how we want to share it that make the difference in the quality of your life. If your relationship doesn't go that deep, then don't fret and agonise, you're not losing something you never had....and if it does go deep then you better get chatting with her and find out why and at what level she feels unfulfilled

powder19

Thanks for the input from all of you, it was definately more than just a sexual relationship and it went pretty deep, that is why I'm so hung up on it, i'm 23 and shes 21 and she told me that she just doesn't want to be in something that serious at a young age and wants to figure some of her life out but knows we will be back together later on, she also thinks that I should go out and date other people to be sure she is what I want since she was my first serious relationship, so in one hand I feel shes doing me a favor, but in the other it feels wierd to pursue other women when it almost feels like shes testing me and later on will want to get back together..I'll be taking each of your guy's advice in parts and for now going to have fun being single and not contact her for at least a month and let her contact me

jeffc574

At your ages she is right. You do not need to get into anything "heavy". What you do need to do is get some ground rules set. I am assuming you are both living in your own places. That is good, although, at some point either for convince ("I am always at your place anyway...") or the economy you will be looking at living together.

You both need to be clear on what the relationship is. Can you date other people? Can you have sex with other people? Are you exclusive? Living together.

Go slow and be honest. Seeing some hottie who smiles at you is not a reason to not be exclusive. Agreeing that you can see others means not getting all worked up when she is not with you.

On the other hand, friends with benefits is excellent. Wish it was around when I was single.

Queso

again, it sound like she's stringing you along. she wants to play the field and sleep around but still keep you around on the back end in case things don't pan out with the other guys. She's using you as her fall back guy for when she can't get attention from someone else

powder19

I definately agree with you both, and the reason i'm cutting her off for now is so she doesn't have me as that fallback guy, because before I was still there for her when we originally broke up..now shes on her own and I definately don't want to be the fallback guy anymore, its the only way she can figure it out

fmb

Being the fallback guy sucks. I'm glad to see you have found your way and don't want to be that person anymore. Take her words for what they are: she likes you, thinks she will be with you, but wants to do her own thing now. It sounds bad, but is really good. Better to know this now than after you are married with a few children.

Get out there and be yourself. Worry about you and stay away from her for awhile. If you're gonna be sexually active with others, wear your protection; wear that protection even with your ex if you sleep with her down the road.

jeffc574 has some good advice. Later, talk about these issues and get some rules and understandings in place. If you do wind up together down the road, this discussion will help tremendously.

Good luck and don't forget to update everyone.

Juan.©amaney

I always like to use the phrase, "I got a good girl, but I need a whore" sounds like in this case, you're the "good guy" and she wants OD (other dick)

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fmb

Ahh... Nothing like hearing the plain and simple truth. It couldn't be better said!

powder19

alright guys well its been awhile since I updated this, well just catch up she broke up with the last guy she was dating and I stuck to not talking to her, that lasted about 2 weeks and she contacted me, things were going pretty good, and she told me she loves me so much and misses me so I went out of town for a week and while I was gone our contact slowed and kinda went back to what it was originally so I had a feeling something was going on, today she calls me cuz I have some clothes at my house of hers and she wanted to pick em up, I was cool with that but she wouldn't answer my calls back or texts, finally she calls back and tells me shes already out of town so she'll just have to get em another time, I tell her I love her and she says nothing back, so I hang up she then texts me and says shes now dating ANOTHER guy and saying that in front of him would be inappropriate...at this point I'm feeling like an idiot, about an hour later she calls me again and wants to get her clothes cuz shes back in town, I'm already gone doing something and I missed her call and she leaves a message about how I'm being a jerk for not answering even though it was a complete accident that I missed the call and we'll just hang out on the weekend and she can get them. At this point I decided it was time to tell her what was on my mind, which was basically I said to imagine if she were in my shoes and everytime I was single I told her how much I loved and missed her, and then I'd move on again and cut it off, then when I was single again, I'd go back to telling her how much I love and miss her. I went on and told her its not fair, and it hurts and I didn't wanna be hurt anymore and she needs to figure things out and and we need a REAL break, meaning we break contact for awhile and that if she wants to give things a chance later on she knows how to get a hold of me and that I'll always love her, but its only right that for now we can't do this. She never responded today and I hope shes not pissed, but it wasn't a mean message, just the truth of how I feel...was this a good move? I really care about her, but I need to care about myself too, should I try to actually talk to her on the phone? Or actually break contact completely till she calms down and figures it out? Thanks for all the input I really appreciate it

kulotsalot

blah blah same old, same old. Sorry, you think your situation is special and it's not. Every single person on here will tell you to make a clean break and move on and you won't listen and get hurt more and then we'll say "Told you so!" Four years later when you're off dating a more stable chick, some other dude will come on here with the same story and the arrogance/naivete of youth, and your advise would have changed, being older and wiser, but of course he won't listen.

It's a cycle, guess you just have to live through it to understand that a break-up means a break-up. End of discussion.

powder19

I understand that, so thats why I told her what I did, I cut off the contact because I wanted a clean full break up not this telling me she loves me and misses me stuff while we're still broken up, I know its just a learning process so its just gonna take time I guess