uacmarine

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So in the last month or so, I have had about 7 friends of mine get hitched, heard that about that many were engaged, and have talked to at least 3 that have already bought the ring and are going to 'pop the question' in the next several weeks. All this has gotten me somewhat concerned, and quite frankly freaked. Call it a rude awakening to reality, idk. I'm not dating anyone right now, nor do I plan on it for a few more years, but all this has got me thinking that stuff like this is literally a few years down the road, and it is something I don't want to even begin considering yet, however, right now it is constantly in my face which adds to the fear, I guess. That being said, I know this fear is a bit irrational, but to me it is extremely real, such to the point that I have developed a fear of dating/courting/whatever term you use...I guess the question I am asking is if this 'fear' is normal for guys to go through at all, or if I'm showing early signs of being a nut case (I am homophobic, so i am not going gay, just to clear that up right now). If this is a retarded post I apologize for wasting your well earned internet time that you could have used on another thread or on youtube. I'd appreciate any feedback though. Thanks!

siopawman

is it the fear of being rejected or the fear of sharing yourself to others?

its your life dude, nobody should impose their beliefs on you. and don't feel forced to be like your friends, because its their life, yours is different than theirs. don't be pushed by ridiculous comments, just do what you like and don't expect something stupid is going to happen.

Juan.©amaney

lol you are doing the mid 20 shuffle. A lot of people hurry into the dating thing to find a mate and...well, mate. You can take it one of two ways. Exploit it to your advantage, or avoid it.

To exploit it means to date, be upfront about what your needs and wants are, and have that turn into a women seeking you out. Peaks their interest level, you get laid, and move on.

To avoid it is to be scared the way you seem to be now. Don't be. Just remember to wear rubbers and be really upfront about what you want.

I'm in the same boat you are. Most of my friends married their college girlfriends and are having kids left and right now. I avoided that fate by being dumped by the girl and have since been exploiting the shuffle. It sucks cuz you run out of people to go out with (your friends and wingmen), and their wives are CONSTANTLY trying to find someone for you as if you are missing out on something great. Just take your time.

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fmb

Don't worry about what everyone else is doing; worry about what you are doing for yourself now and for your future. If the future includes a mate, fine. If not, that's fine, too.

Don't rush into things because everyone is else doing so. I've been married twice (long story and you don't have enough beer in the fridge..) and can say you should search long, hard, and have a serious mental evaluation performed on any woman you want to get very close to (JK!!).

Enjoy life; date; meet many others; laugh and smile; settle when you are ready, content, and happy!

uacmarine

Great advice! Thanks all! Yeah, I'd say my fear is more of "crap, I don't want anything serious or anything that can become serious because I haven't done enough stuff to merit 'settling down' yet". Yeah, Juan, I am seeing waaayyyy too much of the marriage thing right now from friends and acquaintances...and what's worse, is it seems nearly everytime I talk with my mom on the phone, she is always pushing for me to get in the dating world and then settle down...idk about you, but when parents start pushing that BS red flags always pop up for me. It sounds as though from what you were saying Juan that this is somewhat kinda normal? I just wanted to make sure I didnt need to be checked in at the nearest insane assylum, though that might be prefferable to the BS of college, lol

Juan.©amaney

It's very normal. Whenever my parents start with the "everyone your age is doing it" I remind them of all of their friends who have died and that sometimes it takes others longer. I got it off an internet joke, but it sure does work.

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jeffc574

I am going to assume you are about 22-26. graduating college is a big time to get engaged. Christmas is the biggest. May is also "wedding month" You are not out of the loop.

My advice (I married at 27) is to wait until you have some as semblance of a career. Keep your relationships casual. Of my college friends, only 1 out of 6 are still married to their first wives.

On the other hand. Weddings are good places to meet chicks.

Juan.©amaney

Yup....they figured out that the chicks were just in it because they'd have a stable job and turned into bitches after that

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uacmarine

...And in other news, another friend of mine got married today...damnit...now I'll never hear the end of it from the rents. Juan, You mind if I use your 'death' comparison?

Juan.©amaney

DO IT!

patent pending tho.


Funny I should read this thread get bumped. The issue came up yesterday again. There were 3 divorced people in the room. I just pointed at them, laughed and said, yeah, where does the line form to lose half my shit again?

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