Buderfly82

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I don't even know where to begin. My husband and I have been married for 2 years but dated for 5 years before that. I don't think I have ever had an orgasm and not sure even if I have come close. I have read that some women just don't or that some do but it is just very little and one might not know. Either way I don't ever feel satisfied from him going down on me or from having sex. I only enjoy it because I know how much he enjoys it, but it has come to the point where we have sex maybe once a month. I know he wants it more then that as he is a man and I feel horrible as a wife. He feels guilty that I don't O and I feel guilty that he feels bad that I cant. I feel like it all comes back to me. I am not stressed at work and love my husband. I am just tired of not being able to O and feeling bad that I cant. I don't want to have sex because its not fun for me to get really horny and that have to cool off every time. We have talked about it and we both don't know what to do next. He has tried taking pills that make him last longer that worked for him but did nothing for me. I have tried taking anti-depressants hoping it would relax more but those didn't work. I'm just scared it is going to ruin our marriage and don't want that to happen. Does any one have any ideas or suggestions to help? I am open to any and all ideas...

kulotsalot

First question is do you masturbate and if so, can you bring yourself to orgasm that way?

Buderfly82

I have masturbated and cant bring myself to O that way either. I do it for a long time and eventually give up...

Juan.©amaney

+1 and add to that, have you ever been able to orgasm with anyone or on your own?

I see on the topic review that its been answered so disregard that.

If you get tired of it, what part of you gets tired? Your hand? Your pelvic area? Have you tried using accesories?

What's your husband's hang time? You mention he uses pills to last longer. Is premature ejac a problem?

Typically speaking, there are 3 kinds of orgasms. The g spot orgasm, the clitoral orgasm, and the vaginal orgasm.

Tell us more about yourself, weight, height, age (I know you're a lady and we aren't supposed to ask, but it helps) also, what's his?

When you say get horny, what do you mean? Do you enjoy the licking, insertion, etc?

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kulotsalot

If you can't bring yourself to O then it is not surprising that your husband can't, either.

2nd question is if you've got yourself completely checked out by a doctor to rule out any medical (maybe even psychological?) issues that may be stopping you from getting to that point.

ETA: Even if you've hit the sweet spot, if you do the same motions for the whole duration of your masturbatory/intercourse sessions, eventually your body will get so used to it that you will end up desensitizing yourself and losing your horny.

This means that you will occasionally have to switch to a different rhythm/position/whatever in order to keep your body stimulated.

Another Edit: When you masturbate/have sex do you concentrate on stimulating just the vulvar area? If so, you might enjoy stimulating more than one erogenous zone at a time. I personally find things to be 10x more enjoyable if I get some breast play as well as whatever is going on between my legs.

Buderfly82

Im 5'6 and 165 lbs and 26 yrs old. My husband is 27 yrs old, 6 foot and probably 180 and pretty fit.
By tired I mean that yes my hand gets tired but also my body does too. I think eventually my body/mind just gives up and therefore I stop.
My husband's hang time was about 10 minutes before the pill and after the pill is about 25. At 20+ min I usually get sore therefore I think he might be finishing to finish as he can tell.
By horny I meant that I get wet and enjoy my husband touching me, going down on me and after a little foreplay insertion.
I have not gone to a doctor as I just moved to a different state and haven't been to a doctor and a bit embarrassed asking a brand new doctor about this. I'm not sure how helpful they would be not knowing me at all.

Edit: While we have sex he does play with other parts of my body and I do enjoy that. We probably do 2-3 positions every time we have sex to give him a window to calm down and then go back at it a different way.

Juan.©amaney

Well 165 is a little on the chunky side, but that's not a bad thing...more cushy for the pushy; I doubt it being health related. If you get wet, and go through the process and lose interest, you gotta figure out what's causing it. Seems like your body prepares for it just fine and reacts to it well. The problem might be that you think too much about it. I have the same problem sometimes and often lose interest if I'm with someone new or don't feel completely comfortable....this usually means I take forever and a day to come so I've never gotten complaints.

Do you drink or partake in any other recreational drugs? I've always gotten girls to loosen up after a few drinks, as cheesy as that may sound.

There are excersises you can try to help your body climax. Clenching of the hips, and pressure points throughout your body release certain chemicals etc. Do a little search on them.

On a side note, if you are 7 years into the relationship and this has been a problem for a while, I suggest you take care of it now before things happen.

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Juan.©amaney

ooooooh, warning signs right there. If he needs a window to keep him from busting, that window also means you cool off and you know and everyone else in here knows that's a bad thing. The way I like to tell mates is every time they stop, I have to start over.

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Buderfly82

So should I just stay in the one position and not have him stop? I feel like we have done that too and that doesn't seem to work. I have been tipsy or drunk while have sex and we may last a little longer but still nothing.
I know it will only become a bigger problem which is why I came on here asking for suggestions as i don't know what to do next.

Juan.©amaney

Its hard to diagnose without seeing what actually happens. If its balls to the wall and you just can't go then I'd say its you. If he is constantly slowing down and you can't find a rythm because he is trying not to cum, then its him. Then again, if he does you with some form of vibrator, eats you out, then does you a little himself and hits all your good spots etc.....you might just need to learn to turn your brain off. The more you think "OMG AM I GOING TO COME THIS TIME OR NOT" and fill your head with thoughts, the farther away you get from that magic o.

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kulotsalot

First off, 10 minutes is not good at all, and 25 is acceptable but honestly that's not great. On average it takes me around 20 minutes to get off when I masturbate, and that's with me knowing EXACTLY where and how I should be touched. It generally takes longer with a partner because he can't read your mind and is essentially making educated guesses on what will knock your socks off based on experience and your body language.

Figure out if at 20 mins you get sore or you get desensitized. There is a difference, although both are definite definite buzzkills. If you get sore, you need more lube. If you get desensitized, then switch it up a bit. You're definitely not gonna enjoy sex if you're sore, so take care of that issue ASAP.

I agree with Juan on the downtime for you H giving you time to cool off as well (NOT GOOD!). If he really needs to take a break, you could try self-stimulation to keep yourself from cooling off, and you might even get off on the whole "he's watching me play with myself" bit if you've got a bit of an exhibitionist streak.

A lot of books/articles that touch on problems with achieving orgasm say that you have to go back to square one and quit being so focused on the O so much because it makes you think too hard about it and you basically think yourself out of the game. They recommend spending time with your husband (or just yourself), just touching, concentrating on what feels good/bad, and just enjoying the sensations w/o trying to go for the gold.

fmb

I think you're in a difficult time, but I'll give you some points for asking for help! Most have hit on them, but I'll restate a few:

1- your focus on this may be an impediment to your goal. Put the mental stress aside, relax, and enjoy what's happening. This alone can be a great help!

2- even if you're in a new location, ask your doctor about his/her thoughts and possible solutions.

3- definitely find a fix for the lubrication problem! Dryness+ uncomfortable+ mental stress= no O!

This may not be a quick, easy solution to this problem, but I'll give you lots of points for trying to find a way to help or fix it!

siopawman

1st, you're not in trouble, you already took the first step not to get into trouble.

2nd, you already answered what i should be asking, but since you haven't orgasm on your own, it would make it harder for your partner to find it for you. unless...
3rd, go ask a doctor (who specializes in sex therapy or that kind) if they have some medications or special exercises to help you O.

the more you worry about it, the more it gets into your system. i can't say you should ignore it. use lubes, toys, etc. to help you out.

there are toys out there that promises orgasm, tell your partner to help you out on buying one. then do some play-acting of a situation that you think would really make you horny. try hardcore sex. or... get lubed and try double penetration.

good luck.

oldcreepyguy

You don't need to say it here, but if you have had a bad experience in your past like an assault, that could be a big problem. I would urge you to get counseling for that. I think most other things have been covered well by the above posts.