Cards705

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Ok so first let me say thank you to all who reply. My girlfriend broke up with me and we have been together for 5 and 1/2 years. The reason was that she said that lately she feels like she loves me but is no longer in love with me. I have been incredibly upset as I was going to propose to her this summer and I even told her about it, thinking that it was b/c I havent done so already. The reason was because I needed to save money to buy a ring. I want to try and get her back we talked yesterday March 5. While we were talking she told me that she wanted time alone/space to figure things out. She could realize she made a mistake or its over and I need to move on. How long should I go before I contact her? Do I need to wait for her to call me, I was also thinking about buying some cards this weekend and mailing them once a week. I wouldnt put any pressure on her just see how shes doing. I care very much about this girl and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

kulotsalot

The cards WILL put pressure on her and WILL be annoying. I still get random "how are things going" messages from people I used to date and it is STILL annoying even though that was years and years ago. When people "need to think" that generally means they need to do it alone.

siopawman

its one of those times that you just have rely on her. let her do the thinking. you can't do anything about it, especially if she says she needs to think about things.

good luck.

tsmo

yep - let her go her own way.. if its meant to be, she'll be calling soon enough.


as fucked up as it sounds.. she may be checking on that greener grass. hopefully she will miss your 5 1/2 years of quirks and realize that there is no greener pasture out there than with you.

good luck.

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I'm a terminal non-achiever

jeffc574

NO CARDS! NO CALLS! Give her a week to see. Then one and only one call or message just asking how she is and if she wants to talk to you. DO NOT send a card or flowers. And do not leave more than one message. If she does not call back. Start hurting over her and hunting in the greener pastures.

CD

DO NOT send any cards! Start doing something for yourself. If that includes going out and living again among the singles, or using some of that money you set aside for doing things you like to do, it doesn't matter. The point is, that you also need to keep yourself busy so you aren't spending every waking moment thinking about her. Any phone call or card you sends puts pressure on her, and will decrease the likelihood of you two getting back together. Don't be an asshole and give her the cold shoulder, but she has your phone number... she'll call you if she wants to talk.

Sorry to say this, but my guess is that someone caught her eye and possibly is making her question her commitment to you. Did she get a new job lately? Did a new guy start working at her job? Does she regularly go to a Starbucks or whatnot and could possibly see a regular there?

Now, the taking a break usually means one of 2 things...

1) you aren't doing something right and over time it's getting old (communication is important to prevent this sort of thing)
2) someone else

The advice in these situations remains the same, however. She has the power right now unless you stay strong and do your own thing. If she finds something better, it's no harm to her since you already split up. If she doesn't, she has you to fall back on, and you'll take her back in a heartbeat. The only way you can prevent her from this win-win situation is to put her out of your mind by distracting it with the things you like. This also works by making her wonder why you aren't devastated by it. Women want what they can't have and the more you enjoy yourself, the more she'll be intrigued by your "strength".

Best of luck,
CD

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Juan.©amaney

You're pretty much done. The more you ignore her, the more she will miss you and wonder what is wrong with her that you aren't trying to contact her and the more she will think you don't need her.

Here's the kicker, if she did this to you now, there is a 1 billion percent chance she will do it again. Why do you want to stick around for that.

I wont even introduce the possibility that there might be someone else that she is talking to and is adding to the confusion to spare your feelings, but you really need to man up.

She broke up with you, you need to leave and be on your own. You are 28, you don't need this type of shit. You're a grown ass man that deserves better.

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BackdoorJesus

I back up what juan said 100% and CD I give an 85% only because he is sparing your feelings by allowing you to think that the door is still partly open (it's not - sorry).

Both guys are giving good advice that you should heed but here's my addition.

I know how rough it can be to get over someone, especially when you have a history that spans multiple years - trust me, I have been there.

The thing is, even though it's rough, you MUST get over it, you MUST get over her, and the ONLY way to do it is to move on and refrain from anything but the MOST NECESSARY of contact. By that I mean business only - NOTHING emotional.

Yes, be a dick and ignore her.

Do not call.

Do not write.

Do not try to be her "friend" or even entertain that notion until at least a year has passed IF NOT MORE.

In short, do not "be there for her", that's a sucker's game and she can bounce her estrogen-soaked feelings off her girlfriends.

Do go to bars & social gatherings with your NON-MUTUAL friends (your bros).

Do get yourself into some new (no strings attached and meaningless) poon as soon as humanly possible and don't give me the "oooh I'm not ready yet" line either because at 28 you are ALWAYS fucking ready! "I'm not ready" is chick talk & it seems to me you've already gotten 5 1/2 years too much of that.

Do leave the "mutual" friends to her, at least for now, because any contact with them you will be tempted to use as a conduit to get info back to/from her and YOU DON'T NEED THAT. Stick with your bros ONLY.

If you can do this, and not beat yourself up in the process, I guarantee that once you start to see all the extra money you have, and all the freedom you will have to be yourself, you will look back and say, just as I myself do every day, "That was the best decision I never made!!!"

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CD

The door is open, regardless of it being a door he SHOULD walk through again. Hell, I followed my own advice when my gf broke up with me back in December of '06, and we got back together in the 2nd week of January. Of course, I did ring in the New Year with another girl (and again in the morning), but that's not the point. The point is, we broke up for the 2nd and last time in April or May and there was some pretty damn good sex up till then. The thing to remember is that whatever you broke up for that first time... is usually the same thing that will cause the 2nd breakup. My friend Katie will never date a guy twice for that exact reason... and I agree with her 100%.

Oh yeah... SO THERE!

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BackdoorJesus

ha ha ok pal no offense, there are exceptions to every rule I suppose...

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Cards705

well since I have posted this she has called me 2 times, We talked the first time for an hour and then today for about 10 mins or so. I still dont know what to do, I dont think somebody has caught her eye but I think right now she wants to make sure this is what she wants. I have been going out a little lately but its still hard. When she calls she asks me what im doing that night and what I did that day. I really want to ask her when she will come back to me. I know this is stupid for me to believe esp since she may not want it but I think this girl is the one.

Juan.©amaney

Good sex, although very important, is not the only thing. There are exceptions to every rule, I guess. But why put yourself through uneeded stress. You got other pussy while broken up. If you're okay with her having gotten other dick, then thats your perogative...I wouldn't put up with that shit. But I'm masoganist apparently.

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Juan.©amaney

She very might well be the one for you, but you might not be the one for her.

Reason she calls you and asks you what you did or are going to do is to keep tabs on you. She wants to go out and do her thing but doesn't want you to do the same so in case she falls on her face, she has you as back up. Its an evil trick bitches do.

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Cards705

Ok so last night I went out with my friends and then she came over to my house and we ended up having sex, Im so confused.