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02-12-2008, 10:19 PM
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#1
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whore
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: ads
Posts: 11/0.01
Threads: 1
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V-Day Poem Help
I don't know why i can't word this myself....
The card is an office tv show theme (i made the card)
It goes:
Jim and Pam are good together...
Kelly and Ryan are too....
but we are definitely better...
because nobody makes me feel as good
as much as you do.
Does this make sense.
For some reason it doesn't sound like I worded it right. I want it to rhyme with too (hence "do")
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02-12-2008, 11:49 PM
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#2
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bitch
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: UNC
Posts: 1,050/0.76
Threads: 121
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
because nobody feels as good as you?
because I love the things you do?
because I feel much better with you?
because you're cute when you poo?
now let's go to the zoo?
because I feel incomplete without you?
That's really all I got off the top of my head. I thinkyou are pretty much limited to rhyming with you. It's pretty hard to end a sentence with do.
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02-13-2008, 01:01 AM
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#3
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bitch
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SC
Posts: 2,435/3.36
Threads: 73
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
Might be easier to pull up some poetry websites and see what they have for lines which should rhyme.
I'm sure these sites whoudl have some format of rhyming which may help you.
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02-13-2008, 02:25 AM
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#4
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whore
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: canada
Posts: 27/0.02
Threads: 3
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
Jim and Pam are good together...
Kelly and Ryan are too....
but we are definitely better...
because nobody makes me feel as good you
although I am fan of the "because I feel incomplete without you?"
thats my .02
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02-13-2008, 10:38 AM
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#5
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bitch
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Jefferson City
Posts: 1,057/0.75
Threads: 6
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
I like 1337Ares version. Handwritten and from the heart will score even if it doesn't rhyme.
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02-13-2008, 11:17 AM
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#6
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Take this, and eat it...
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: in the real O.C. IQ: Higher than yours
Posts: 7,514/4.19
Threads: 204
Gold Member
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
damn.
sorry, it had to be said. 
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___________________________________________
...The Dude abides...
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02-13-2008, 08:06 PM
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#7
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whore
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: MI
Posts: 272/0.27
Threads: 3
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
Jim and Pam are good together...
Kelly and Ryan are too....
but we are definitely better...
because nobody makes me feel as good,
as good as you do.
---------------------
Sometimes repetition can work well... good luck!
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02-14-2008, 12:15 AM
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#8
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whore
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Middle, Nowhere
Posts: 50/0.15
Threads: 12
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Re: V-Day Poem Help
Jim and Pam look good together,
Kelly and Ryan do too,
But I'd definately say, That we are better
Tell me you think its true.
-or-
Jim and Pam look good together,
Kelly and Ryan do too,
But I'd definately say, that us together
Are better than any of those foo's
Couplets work better than tercets in general...
Also, use adjectives, longer poems are easier (to a point)
Honestly, I don't like the first one I'm giving you, (Cause of the question) and the second one is just plain silly
-Sheepe
P.S.
First post!
Last edited by Sheepe : 02-14-2008 at 12:16 AM.
Reason: First Post!
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