Ragnarok Comes

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related to Really hot girl REAKS at end of day

Hmmmmm...Where to begin?
I call homegirl Lala (I used it to address her in emails and texts and now she signs with it).
I met her at school (college) in Fall 2004. I'm in architecture which, as anyone familiar would know, has a tightly knit structure with studio and specialized classes and all. So I have no choice but to be around this beautifully mysterious girl most of the day every weekday. Unfortunately, my high school mindset was stubbornly attached and I thought this girl a goddess. Naturally I was impeded by said thinking. We became friends -which I did manage to initiate- and even worked on a project together. She's also a very sensual person, maybe lending to her half upbringing as Columbian, so that threw off my indiscriminate radar. Problem, the all too common problem, is that she has a boyfriend. She has the grace to not talk about him, so I don't even know his name much less how serious they are, but the fact remains.
So ends 1st year. 2nd year we get closer, but same old.
3rd year I manage to evolve a bit, to think of her as a Muse, a Lady who could inspire me. Below a goddess, but still untouchable.
Until finally late summer before my 4th year I mutate again. If not a Muse, what? A tragic beauty; a woman who had cried, laughed and everything in between and who had grown and matured and had the somber subtlety, the somber beauty resulting.
Such was the evolution of my thinking and my perception of Lala: Goddess->Muse->Tragic Beauty.
So as you can see, I wasn't really ready for a relationship until very recently. I return soon to school after spending a semester studying abroad to go back to that old familiar feeling of dutiful self-control and self-denial. Funny thing is, I welcome these painful sensations as they're apart of my college experience as beer pong and late nights. We were together all the time, two loners who found someone they could talk to, but she always had a boyfriend. We both have our own friends, but we always seek the other's company when we want to talk for real, as opposed to the common banter. At this point, the boyfriend/girl friend label seems like a triviality. Maybe I still don't know how college level relationships of the opposite sex work, but it wouldn't be all that great of a leap, technically speaking. Obviously it would be a huge leap, a galactic leap, but you understand.

So updated much?
Lay it on me and thanks in advance.

kulotsalot

So basically you're in the friend zone, is what you're saying...

BackdoorJesus

a "relationship"? Please - you're way too young to have that mentality yet.

bone up on some other girls and if she gets jealous & wants to get a piece of you too, she will - if not you're still getting laid.

Either way - you get laid & she's still your friend, but give up on the idea of changing your dynamic by taking any direct action with her.

And when all is said & done - stop putting the pussy on a pedestal. "Goddess, Muse...bla bla bla" BULLSHIT.

Half the people in the world have vaginas, and I mean yeah, it's nice to fuck 'em and all, but ultimately they're not that special - every other person you will meet will be in possession of one.

The second you put her (or anyone) in this lofty place, you put yourself in a subordinate position and that is no way to be with a friend, lover or any other person you interact with.

BTW why did you make a new account? we can merge your two accounts and reset your password for you - make a help desk ticket & we'll get on it. Alternate accounts are frowned on here & get banned.

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Ragnarok Comes

kulotsalot, I don't even think so. I posted this thread to get people's opinion, but seriously, I'm like fuck it. I'm going to tell her how I feel when I see her in January.

The "pussy on a pedestal" mentality as you put it is done already, Backdoor Jesus, that's my whole point. That was how I used to think, but not anymore now that I realize how detrimental and degrading it is.
Also, I'm not one to "bone up on some other girls," that's not how I operate. I treat people with respect, even those who don't treat themselves with any.

I only made a new account because I forgot the password or username and was having issues. Merge away if you'd be so kind, I didn't mean any sneakiness.

~ Ragnarok

kulotsalot

You don't think so?

Let's sit down and re-evaluate, shall we?

She is there for long talks, but always has a boyfriend, she never hangs out with you outside of these long talks and she certainly isn't having sex with you.

You're more than "friend-zoned", I'd say at this point you've become the "talking book" in the sense that she can get really good conversation out of you but wants/needs nothing more than that.

kulotsalot

also, I seriously hope that someone will post in here that can relate to the whole Goddess/Muse/Tragic Beauty stuff that you've put up there because honestly, I just don't see my life through that many layers of coloured glasses that you seem to have on. A guy is a guy, I may want to be with him or not, but I definitely don't think of them as gods or heroes or knights or whatever.

Ragnarok Comes

I think you're misinterpreting, kulotsalot. These long talks aren't the typical, "oh, my boyfriend..." They're about life, religion, poetry, philosophy and love. She doesn't come to me with tears in her eyes.
A good friend of mine called such a relationship a "filling station." The girl comes to the guy to make her feel good, to fill up on those feelings and then drives off until next time. I don't even know her boyfriend's name or if she's had the same one the entire time or anything. The only issues we ever talk about are with her dad -I know "daddy issues."
We do hang out besides the talks as well. She took last semester off from school, but a day after I moved in she picked me up and we hung out all day. No plans, just ate here, did this, saw that movie, no drama to speak of. She "arranged" the whole thing, even though it was more spontaneous than anything.
My friend told me the way to figure if she's just using me as a "filling station" is to not contact her. If she misses me, meaning she isn't just using me, she'll get a hold of me. So I did and she did and here we are.
She knows I care about her, I told her as much when she asked what I thought about her taking time off. I told her I wasn't going to talk her out of it again like I did first year. I told her I'd be selfish if I did because I enjoyed being with her. So it's not like she clueless as to how I feel.
I shrug too as I type this response because I know I see through colored glasses. I choose to. I'm not nearly as delusional as I used to be, though. That same friend, my Uncle Kenny, calls his late wife his Lady. They were the first couple I ever knew who were legitimately in love. I know I picked up on his romanticized vision, but I don't think he was his wife as above him and I no longer see Lala as above me. Took me long enough, but here I am.

This response got kinda long, so thanks if you've read this far and thanks kulotsalot for the input.

~ Ragnarok

Juan.©amaney

I read that and tried not to puke in my mouth.

1. You are in the friend zone, no matter what. Kulots and I talk about life and all sorts of things and no matter how drunk I get her, I'm still not getting into her pants cuz she's afraid of my arms.

2. You are in denial. You tell her how you really feel and you will fuck up what you already have.

3. If the boyfriend has been there that long and she hasn't left him, there is obviously something there she doesn't get from you and although it might be dick (literally) there is nothing you can do at this point to make that go away.

IMHO, you are setting yourself up for massive drama if this chick is in your same level architecture class and you guys take studio together. My brother did architecture and I know how much time is spent in there.

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Bigeme

I understand what you are saying more than you will ever know. Just do it is all I can say. Make sure you aren't drunk or else she won't take you seriously. I don't doubt that you feel the way you do. I want to give an opinion other than what everyone else here will tell you. You aren't hopeless, but you have to tell her how you feel. Straight up no games, nothing slow, nothing testing. I take it you are a senior from what you've said. You have no hope for the future. You will be parted by circumstance.

I had a girl I loved very dearly and, against all the advice I got here, I continue to love very sincerely and deeply. Just look up my thread (I think its called "I have never been more confused in my life"). You'll see the pain I've felt, but that doesn't change anything. You can't help how you feel. You can only learn from it. Anyway, my point is that you (or her) will move somewhere else next year. Any relationship you get into will not have the time to develop to the degree you want. Tell her how you feel and learn what you can. Don't get into this position again. Hold your feelings back when you meet a nice girl in the future.

I honestly believe that very few people have the capacity to feel for another the person the way you are describing and the way I know I feel. Don't let one girl ruin it. Tell her now, completely and honestly, and learn from it what you can.

I'm sorry I'm a little drunk, but you are a man after my own heart. What advice most people will give you will not work for you. I struggled trying to accept it, but it won't work. It took me a long time to realize that and I will tell you what I have learned. feel free to message me or respond here and I will gladly expound upon my points.

kulotsalot

All I have to say is that all of us have probably gone through a stage in our life (relationship-wise) where we think we are in a position so unique, no one else gets it.

There is a 1% chance you are right, in which case go right ahead and do what you want, when you want.

There is a 99% chance that this is a bullshit excuse to give yourself the permission to do what you want, without listening to other people's advice. They're invalid, right? They can't possibly be right, because they have never felt how I feel right now, and they probably never will. They don't understand!

You seem to be basing all this relationship hope on these "talks". Let me tell you something. I have had deep, philosophical, mind-blowing talks with a handful of people. It's not actually that hard to do - all you need are two intelligent people with opinions and theories. Some of them were just friends. Some of them were boyfriends (at that time). You know what separates the boyfriends from the just-friends? It's that the boyfriends knew the intimate aspects of my life. No, not sex stuff, but those things that bring you down to earth, cut you up, make you bleed and make you human, I guess, is the best description for it. Hanging out and deep talks can be done on a friendship level. I know this, I've done this a lot, and in some cases it lead to some mixed signals with the guy thinking I wanted more but I didn't, but sometimes it is pretty clear where we both stand. It doesn't sound like she tells you anything personal at all. That and the constant "I have a boyfriend" thing are clear signs that she's not looking to you for a relationship. Do what you will - confess your love for her if you need to, but don't get your hopes up that something will come out of it.

As for Bigeme's comments, I disagree about the whole "don't trust nice girls" attitude because if she truly is nice then you probably will want to be in a healthy relationship with her, and if you don't trust her that will ruin it.

If you do go for it and it goes well, I don't see why you have to resign yourself to the fact that you'll part ways after school. There's a good chance that it will happen, no question about that, but if it goes REALLY well, you can decide at that point what you want to do or not.

Bigeme

I don't mean to bash on anyone's advice and certainly not say "don't trust nice girls." I just want to make the point that you cannot help how you feel about this girl. The only thing to do is be straight and honest. No games, no testing out the waters. Best case she returns your feelings, worse case she cuts you off, you hurt for awhile and learn to be a little more reserved. I know it sucks.