dacow87

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So my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and we are entering our sophomore year of college. Before school starter, she mentioned she needed a break earlier in the summer. She is a very ambitious girl and wanted to get into the honors program but didnt since her grades were not up to par and she was not very active in school committees. Freshmen year, she would always spend time with me 24/7. Literally. She would be at my room all the time and even sleep there 99% of the time. This distracted her from her true goals in life and I understood completely. I understood she was going through hard times. She gave me an example this year about how since she's not in honors classes, the people she has to work with in group projects are well...dumb and underachieving and it puts a lot of stress and work on her and I do feel bad. This is not the problem.

She still loves me and I believe her. We still spend time together although it usually isn't alone time (sometimes it is though but rarely). And recently, we've been kissing more and cuddling more and its nice. However, I keep getting this fear that she and my roommate are doing something behind my back.

Every few weeks or so, my roommate would leave our room late late at night during the weekends (around 3am or so) to go hang out with my ex. He would not tell me where he was going or he would lie. I eventually found out and asked my ex what was going on. She said all they do is hang out and talk (about serious stuff) and watch tv. My ex is very easy to communicate with about personal things as all my friends seem to confide in her, but to do it so late at night behind my back made me fishy. But after being with this girl for 2.5 years, you just KNOW when they are lying and when they aren't, or even at least if theres some suspicion, and I didnt sense any at all nor did I feel like she was lying. All went well for a few weeks. Then i saw on my roommates phone last night around 2:30am about him wanting to hang out with her. I was still awake and the text said something along these lines from my ex: "It's too risky. He should go to bed" He = me in this text.

Wow that sounds suspicious, but my ex still treats me like she really loves me, she'll come and give me hugs and kiss me when im working on homework and she even got me some nice brithday presents fromm J crew. And whenever i ask her about this stuff, i still get the feeling she isn't lying and i'm almost certain she isnt. I feel like i just know.

But...what do you guys think?

msub

That's pretty damn suspicious, especially the text. And all she says is that they "hang out". I hate when girls do this, because if you ask "Where did you hang out with my room mate late last night and what did you do?" you're labeled a jealous controlling boyfriend.

So two and a half years, and you're now a sophomore in college? It doesn't take an engineer to figure you started dating in highschool. Girls (and guys) are immature coming out of highschool. What she wanted relationshipwise in highschool will differ from what she wants once she's experienced college. Don't put it past her that her interests have deviated from you and she just doesn't want to tell you for several possible reasons.

To put things in (my) perspective: I go to UF with an undergraduate population ~ 40,000 students, 50/50 guys/girls. My highschool had ~ 3000 students my senior year. When a girl suddenly has 20,000 guys from different backgrounds to choose from compared to the handful from her circle of friends, she's bound to find someone else who is more interesting than what she's used to (in this case, you). Just being different from the norm is enough to qualify as "more interesting".

Why would she want to be with someone other than you? Well...she might just be curious as to how other guys will treat her. Or she might just want to be swimming knee deep in cock. Who knows?

Obviously I can't tell you if she's cheating on you or not. I can just tell you that what you say of her is down right shady, and that the "college is a four year vacation, I don't want to be tied down" attitude is pervasive amongst anyone between the ages of 18-24.

Good luck.

Green Eyes

Bail out, man, coming from experience, bail out before she bails on you, or worse, you become the guy she knows that she can always come back to when one of her boy toys screws up. It may suck, but it's better to just get it over with in a timely fashion and not drag it out. The longer this goes on, the more it's going to hurt.

Anibal

When you love or really like or (for some people just like) a girl, you hear and see what you want. You give the meaning you prefer to what she says and does, an example: she says hi and hugs you (you think she hugs me because she still loves me/ likes me) she hugs some one else (and you think oh well she didnt hug him like she hugged me)... maybe doenst happen like that but you get the point.

Thing is, if they are texting and meeting at 3am... you have all the reasons in the world to ask them whats going on and confronting them about it, that is if she was your girlfriend. She is your ex so she can pretty much do what she wants (sucks big time its your roomate though), i dont think they are just talking and watching TV but i dont know either of them so they could be doing just that.

I would just ask her whats going on and if she still wants to get back with me or if i am just waisting my time on something thats allready over, worse thing you cand do is just wait and trying to figure things out and obssesing with it.

Good luck.

CD

Find another girl to hang out with. Whether you hook up with her is irrelevant, it's basically to get your head out of the mindset that you and your ex will get back together one day. You may not... she might be getting with your roommate. Hard to say, but if you have someone else (friend or more than a friend), you can get a little more experience in life and see your ex from "outside the box". Not only that, but I'll go ahead and admit that if your ex gets jealous, you will be smiling on the inside. This is basically turning a weird situation into a win-win situation.

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Echolalia

I actually really agree with this.
Plus you will get to meet new people, which can be interesting to say the least.

As for the relationship, I would say either go this route (above) or just confront her. It seems to me like there is something else going on. I wouldn't really expect you guys to get back together, since the situation with the roommate probably has involved cheating. Just forget it, that's my opinion.

Good luck

Nifty

It sucks but you did say she was your ex. To me, you honestly sound like you have been sent to detention...otherwise known as the "friends zone". If you guys were having sex before and now your just not, and your roommate is slipping out to meet with her at weird hours it really does point fingers in some obvious directions.

I would tell you to break up, but you already have based on the fact that you refer to her as an ex. Im still really good friends with one of my ex's and she gives me gifts calls me on the phone and we talk a lot. This doesn't mean we are ever getting together again, especially since Im married. But she is very caring towards me just how your girl sounds. So, I wouldn't say that you dont have a chance, but I won't say you will either.

Honestly you need to take whoever said to find another girl advise. It college. You can find a girl anytime. College is a time to have some fun, and find what you like in a girl. There's no need to get tied down to one girl. It sounds like she's looking around, just take the hint she's giving you and start looking too.

dacow87

Well actually, she really isn't looking around at all. She also isnt the one to go out to parties to meet guys. She's only had one sexual partner in her life (me) and she doesnt care about that stuff right now.

I understand what you mean nifty, but its the fact that she will still tell me she loves me, and she tells me in the way and tone that's not like the "i'll love you forever as a friend" tone, but the i'm still in love with you tone. We still kiss and cuddle and sometimes get a little more physically intimate, but never actual sex or anything like that. It's just very confusing. She even went through the trouble to cook me a surprise breakfast this morning since it was my birthday.
Just wish I knew everything haha

uacmarine

idk dude...be careful...my ex took me on a camping trip over a weekend and then 3 days later dumped me outa the blue...then a week later i run into her at the movie theater w/ a guy i met when we went camping...i was pissed...haven't talked to her or anyone acquainted to her since...

CD

Or so you think.

Look man, I hate to burst your bubble, but if she's being secretive about meeting your roommate late at night, you would be correct... she's not looking for another guy... she's already found him. Convenient that you don't have to go to parties to find someone, when they are a phone call away. I also hate to say it, but she didn't give up on sex in order to focus on her schooling. She gave up sex with you. It's not only possible to do well in school while also getting sex, it's almost beneficial since it's a natural stress reliever.

I understand that she still loves you. She is saying that cause if all else fails (ie your roommate), she knows you'll take her back because she didn't burn any bridges. This is a situation I've come to understand over the years, and my advice stays the same...
Stop saying you love her; stop waiting on her to call; stop cuddling; stop looking through your roommates cell messages; and start getting out and living. It's college after all... your penis will thank you if you play your cards right.

And no, you don't wish you knew everything. You just have to take what you do know, and move on with your life. Yeah, keep her as a friend, but do you really think that you'll still cuddle with her if one of you gets a gf/bf? If not (and you won't), that tells you what you need to stop now before it gets painful later.

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Green Eyes

My thoughts exactly. This isn't going anywhere you would like to see it go. My advice is confront her or bail before this gets more painful. The only thing being worse than bein ditched is being the guy she comes back to when her other relationships don't work out. The minimum I'd suggest doing is start seeing other girls, go on a few dates here and there. Like CD said, whether or not you get in their pants is irrelevant, it will just help you look at things from a different perspective.

Raymond Babbit

Everyone else has been completely right here, and I'd also like to add, in response to your thing about knowing whether or not she's lying........if there's one thing I've learned, it's that sometimes, no matter how long you've been with someone for, you never really know them like you think you do.

Juan.©amaney

Sounds to me like you are hearing what you want to hear and not using common sense. No matter what we say you will do whatever you want to do until you get burned and from one man to another, you are getting burned. I've sent texts back and forth to gf's and wives of aquaintances and friends of friends and to be quite frank, the only time stuff like "its too risky wait until he is gone/asleep/drunk" was sent was when I was fucking them.

You are in college, no need for a GF. Your boy there is probably doing you a favor by exposing them for the whores they are. I'd still kick his ass though.

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Juan.©amaney

I tell my gf I love her every day. I do nice and sweet things with her all the time. I spoil her. But I cheat on her. Not because I don't love her. But because I love sex more.

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