WordUpDogg

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I never planned on talking to her again then I got the worst phone call I've ever gotten. She's positive it's mine, she hasnt been with anyone else.

I just found this out yesterday. She wanted to keep the baby at first but I explained to her that it would be better for the baby if it went up for adoption because we dont have the finances to care for it like a lot of other families would.

Any advice on adoption? I'm so worried she will change her mind.

P.S. I wore a condom, i have no idea how this happened.

Rev.Mayhem

Well unfortunatly enough there are not many options and if you guys are against abortion and you really cant kepp the child then adoption is the best choise. just keep resuring her that adoption is what is best for the child and even for the both of you

P.S. condoms are not 100% effective but if you really doubt that its yours spring for a blood test

WordUpDogg

^Whats best for her is she keeps the child. She's like, "I'm not carrying a baby for 9 months just to give it up. I'm keeping the baby, you hear me?"

She's so selfish.

I had to really break it down for her that I can barely support myself. She herself lives with her parents. She's like, "My family will take care of it. My daddy can pay for it." WTF...yeah right, her daddy is gonna be hitting me up for child support. Her Daddy is a truck driver and probably makes $50k a year with overtime.

Rev.Mayhem

Well truck drivers actually make a very decent salary but thats besides the point, but if thats her point of view you could have her sign a legal document saying that you are not responsible for childcare (but i think some states dont have those).

davemo2us

Well, welcome to reality.

WordUpDogg

Thanks, if worse comes to worse I'll try this.

I really want it up for adoption though because she lives way out in the sticks. I wouldn't want any kid to have to grow up there. I want it raised by a family that is a little more well off.

There are tons of rich people looking to adopt white babies right? I mean, I hear there's like a waiting list...

Rev.Mayhem

there is a hughe waiting list and infact the process for adopting is very difficult, coupls go through a long screening process and yes usually people who adopt tend to be fincancially secure enough to have children, so keep pushing

odinme

yeah, good luck with this all mate, but just as a warning, a few years down the line (well, more than a few) they may want to know who you are, and search you out (im adopted and have had these feelings in the past) so be prepared for that as well.

aLABiMale1975

BackdoorJesus

If you did wear a condom and can't recall any "accidents", and you are not really certain that it is yours, don't accept any responsibility.

Paternity tests can be done prenatally as well, you know - insist she get one, and insist it happen ASAP, not before it is too late to make a sensible decision.

If it IS yours, push for abortion, and settle for adoption. If she won't budge on either, appeal to her common sense (if there is any):

Does she want to get an education? She can forget about it with a kid (or at the least it will be a monumental struggle).

Does she want a marriage to a nice guy? Gonna be tough to rope in a decent guy with someone else's kid already in tow.

So many obstacles in her way (and she's putting them in your way too)...she needs to seriously re-think the whole "I'm having it" decision.

And you need to make sure it is (or hopefully isn't) yours before you commit to ANYTHING.

Also if worse comes to worse, and it is yours, and she's determined to keep it, prepare to take her ass to court to take at least joint custody of it (and tell her you intend to do so, perhaps as an enticement to the adoption option), and be prepared to pay her at least 100-500/month in child support depending on the amount of custody you do get. That's the least that you will pay, in CA, and if it's yours, believe me, you WILL pay, whether you think you can or not.

A good idea is to seek the advice of an attorney ASAP as well.

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michaeljohn

hmmm, I can't offer much help here beyond what is given, however, since you say you can't afford it, maybe there are ways you can. In other words, improve yourself.

Options:

Military service. (get married, even if if you don't plan on staying together, at least the 3 of you will be taken care of).
School. (get financial aid).

The stronger initiative you take, the better person you will become, and the better father you will be for your child.

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Green Eyes

Bad news bears, man, bad news bears. I'd push for abortion (depending on how far along she is) and settle for adoption. If she's actually worried about the baby, which she should be considering that she's still living with her parents, she should realize that adoption is probably the best option in this case. A child needs a family and structure, sure kids raised by one parent or the grandparents can come out okay, but, in reality, if a kid calls his grandmother mom and his mom Susan, he's probably going to end up in jail (quoth Chris Rock). A kid is a lot of work and requires constant love and attention, tell her to be prepared for long nights, not going out anymore, delaying any plans she had, spending a lot of money, to have her full attention given to that child, etc. Another reason for adoption is that you two are not going to be together as a family, which, as I stated earlier, is what a kid needs, and both parents have to want and LOVE and care for that child with everything they've got, and by the sound of it, you two aren't prepared to do that. Also, quite frankly, it's insanely childish to dump the responsibility of your own kid onto her parents, who, from at least what it sounds like, just finished, or are just about to finish raising her.

If she wants to remain in the child's life, there are adoption options (RHYME!). She can talk to the adopting parents before hand and set up visits, etc.

If she doesn't do it for the kid, maybe she'll do it for herself.

Queso

that sounds backwards. but, whatev.

tough brake guy, but that's the risk you take when you have sex. how old are you two?

don't know what to say that hasn't already been said.

WordUpDogg

Aren't there lots of rich propsective parents out there? My BIG concern is that she will want to have lots of visitation rights, which will really limit our choices because we will need to choose somemone in-state as well as open to letting her have a relationship with her child.




She won't abort. Once I brought it up as an option she very loudly and repeatedly rejected this idea. She said 'NO' like 20 times and it was hard to get her to shup up.

After discussing my situation with some people, I've decided to cut off all communication with said individual.

I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing but I know its the right thing. If she thinks I may stick around she might change her promise and not put the baby up for adoption.

Something kinda fishy about this situation IMO, but I'd rather not stick around to find out what.

She's 18 i'm 26. Also should be noted that she is overweight and non attractive, whereas I am extremely attractive in comparison.