theworldismytoy

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My boyfriend(Jacksonaces) and I have been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years and whereas we realize that it's not the ideal, we both feel that because we have each other we aren't really looking for anyone else. We talk every night and have things online that we can do together (webrats...heh) and we get to see each other about once every two months. We were talking a couple of nights ago about what "normal" couples are like, we wouldn't know, we've never been one. A point that he brought up is that we probably communicate better than most couples because unless we talk about it, there is no way for the other person to know what's going on in our lives. We also do a lot of planning-"what we will do when we can be together" type stuff. (example: I told him that I hope we always talk and snuggle before we go to sleep, even years from now, no matter how busy and tired we are. I feel like that's maybe something most couples wouldn't see a point in talking about) It's going to be at least two more years before we can actually be together and so...

Our question is this, for those of you have have been/are now in long distance relationships, what do you think the big differences are between them and "normal" relationships? We have both voiced concerns about things changing when we finally get to be together and so we thought we'd get some feedback.

And for those of you who are in "normal" relationships, what do you think is better or worse about it as opposed to a long-distance one?

(the obvious answer of "not cheating is hard" is not really what we are going for here, that is an obstacle that has been overcome)

JacksonAces

Oh, and just to clear it up, we are not actually having any problems, we just wanted to see what the rest of the WR community thinks about this issue.

~jack

Juan.©amaney

I'm in one. She's in Mex, I live here in CA. I cheat. Then again, I've cheated on every girl I've been with regardless of where they are. I like it this way because even though I call her daily and junk, I only have to deal with her when I'm actually with her. I'm a busy man.

Sooner or later, it has to go somewhere or it looses its fizz.

I can resist everything except temptation and temptation is at every corner...literaly.

No one can answer this but you guys. Looking here will only tell you what others go through. I'll tell you one thing, at 21, you have years before you actually get anywhere serious and I wouldn't recomend throwing your good years away unless you know for a fact that you will end up together.

If you are here asking, then you aren't 100% sure.

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kulotsalot

For me it was the exact opposite. We talked things TO DEATH coz that was all we could do. Then again we were on 6-month cycles, not 2-month ones that you guys are on.

I pretty much did not have a social life anymore coz of the time difference (east/west coast) so I had to be available for the phone call that would happen at a certain time. I was a slave to the phone and it wasn't fun.

Cheating IMO has nothing to do with the type of relationship - either you do it or you don't.

There are things/habits that you may find irritating, coz you're not used to hanging out with each other a lot. It could be something as simple as jingling your car keys while you walk.

I'm sure Juan would say the biggest benefit of an LDR is being able to turn the phone off and not dealing with the other person if you don't want to.

Juan.©amaney

Yeaaaaah, think about how yours ended for a while.

The BIG difference in yours was that it was an online relationship. I actually know my gf since she was an infant (yes I am about 5 years older than she is). We grew up together. Her brothers and I went to school together, etc.


You have to specify how the relationship came to be a LDR.

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kulotsalot

Two LDRs, one started online, one started 'normally'. I'm talking about both. I haven't cheated. You say it yourself, you'll cheat regardless of whether or not it is an LDR. So it is largely based on the person. You are more inclined to cheat, I am not.

Makes sense?

Juan.©amaney

Oooooh, but he cheated, right?

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kulotsalot

Yeah, he did. So I guess I'm just weird

Juan.©amaney

which is the point I was trying to prove. Cheating happens. Usually by the person more prone to cheating to begin with. Distance and lack of hanky panky just adds to the temptation factor.

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theworldismytoy

We were friends in high school but didn't start dating until college so it technically started as a LDR. Thing is, he's still my best friend and that's what I love most about the relationship. Where as I don't think that will change any time soon (whether we are together or not) we were just wondering about the different habits in different kinds of relationships. And Juan we do plan to end up together. As for the cheating thing I guess both of us just aren't prone to it, we talk about other people we are attracted to because it's a nature all thing in everyone but I know that if I ever did have sex with anyone else, the first person I would want to tell about it is him and I don't think it would as be fulfilling for me because he wasn't there.

Juan.©amaney

world toy, I dig that you guys are in love. But the odds are stacked against you. 22, 21, unless you guys get married in college, 4-6 (or 7 if you ar eme) years of constant temptation is horrible. The fact that you guys are best friends...it honestly saddens me because if anything bad happens and you become resentful, that will be destroyed.

Best of luck to both of you. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

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odinme

sadly, i have to agree, most long distance relationships do not work out, been through a few myself, all failed (kinda in one now, long distance during school year, close during summer) as for the whole cheating part, it does completely depend on the person. ive never cheated even while in a LD relationship, but have been cheated on several times (thus the reason they failed) so as far as the cheating aspect, that all depends on the person

ThumperZ1

Any relationship depends on trust; From both parties. If the trust is only there in one, the relationship has failed already. If both of you love each other and trust each other, and can continue your relationship the way it is, I say you are a very lucky couple. Why mess with stuff?..

Of course I know people who only love a LDR but still screw around with who ever is around so that the physical craving is filled.

If it works... stick with it. Good luck!!

siopawman

stick with reality, you're going to face so many options and choices. temptations are always and will always be there.

LDR and "normal" relationships are on a case to case basis. in my case, it didn't work well. but you always have to thank something for it, coz somehow you'll learn from whatever it will bring you in the end.

trust your partner, if cheating happens, think if you can still continue the relationship. if you can't, then its over. LDR should be like a "lets wait and see" cycle. more efforts should be put, to assure both parties are still getting it on. there are really up's and down's, love-life would be boring if they don't.

just don't expect too much, don't think about it much.
don't invest on blaming each other about each other's faults, coz believe it'll add up eventually. instead, focus on happy things, good stuffs. if you're running out of conversation topics, rest for some time.

live and love like its your last, so you won't have any regrets. (that's basically what i learned...)