Bonecrusher

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If you are in a relationship then it's almost assured that at some point the issue of your significant other's past has come up.

It may be that as soon as you meet someone you get into the whole how many people have you been with discussion or it may be that a great deal of time has passed since you met the person and you are deep into a relationship.

Undoubtedly the conversation will arise. Curiosity will get the best of one if not both of the people in the relationship. Where there once was trust there will no be doubt and suspicion.

Your mate will tell you one number hoping not to scare you, or at least that is what you will suspect....you or they will assume you've cushioned the number......where as guys when talkin to their buddies pad the number...

it's the whole rule of three....if a girl tells you how many guys she's been with then multiply it by three...if a guy tells you...then divide it by three....

at any rate....I'm trying to help a buddy who is about to destroy a relationship because after a year he and his girl finally got to the whole sexual history conversation and he was........hmmmmmmmm

shocked I guess........by the number that she said and of course.he had to get into the whole......who were they......he knew some of them and now he just won't let it go...he's constantly berating her and giving her hell and he's coming to me for advice...I keep telling him to let it go.....had he been single and not wanting to get into a relationship he would have gone for it...in fact I think he had more partners than her but he's ragging her about it...

I think it's bullshit but it's apparently something guys can't get over. why is that? What is the easiest way to get past it or to make him quit worrying about how many partners she's had in the past? He's with her now and she's committed to him.........he can't let it go.

I don't worry about my wife's past because she's with me now and forever. We both had past.....but the past is the past......who gives a shit about it?

BackdoorJesus

Honestly, if this conversation comes up and it causes doubt & suspicion on the part of one or both partners, then the people involved lack the maturity to carry this relationship on with any kind of permanence.

The doubts & suspicions do not arise from this conversation, they existed before the topic even came up.

I give this relationship the BDJ Certificate Of Doom.

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Anibal

I dont believe thats true, and thats because having had sex with more people doesnt mean that you are better or more experienced at it. It only means you had sex with more people, the girl im currently dating knows her way in the bed as good or maybe even better than me and she has only been with two people. Me and her ex, i know this because she was his girlfriend since they were 15.

Anyways, if the number of guys she had sex with in the past is a problem for him and he cant let go (most inmature and insecure thing a man in a relationship can do) then the answer is easy. They have no future together and its because of him, honestly if a girl slept with more people than i did, it wouldnt be a problem because i am confident that i can keep her satisfied and if i am in a relationship with her it means i completely trust her and what she did is not as important as what she does now.

kulotsalot

I probably wouldn't ask at all... then again I'm not really looking for anything serious right now so it is less of a concern, I would guess. FYI if I was ever asked I would be completely honest and if he freaks then he is not worth my time anyway so buh-bye.

Bonecrusher

That's exactly what I've been telling him. He just doesn't seem to get it. I convinced him the other day to apologize to her and admit that it's his stupid hang up and that it doesn't really matter.

I'm guessing she could since the insincerity in his voice though but she apparently gave him the benifit of the doubt.

Turns out he's still bothered by it. Any time she mentions the name of a guy he's yapping..."did you sleep with him" and any time he sees her talking to a guy they both at work earnnig extra money for college (he's a bouncer at a club where she bartends).

I told him he might as well let her go because he's just creating a problem that he'll never be able to undo.

Queso

meh, my boyfriend and i have been together over a year and a half and it hasn't come up. honestly i don't really care as long as he's clean. the past is past.

mallardmolester

Unfortunately, my wife and I did have this conversation when we were dating. The number was higher than expected and it shocked me (5). I knew who they were too. Not closely but knew who they were. Small town. It drove me nuts for years. Even after we were married. We've been married 9 years now and I still think about it once in a while. I wish the conversation had never taken place. I'd be a lot happier. My advice is too never have this conversation. What good does it do anyways?

Green Eyes

I'd say that's pretty damn accurate.

fmb

This should receive BDJ's "Certificate of Doom"; don't ask questions if you're not able to withstand the answer. In nearly all cases, questions such as this don't deserve to be asked. Kulots has a good answer; what's in the past is the past.. or well, something like that. Get over it; better yet, don't ask or participate in this line of questioning.

kulotsalot

Actually Queso said that but I know it's pretty hard to tell us apart, as we've both got tits...

SideshowBob

in my relationship, I knew she had been wild before I met her, but she was unbelievably candid about the whole thing. And although it was tough for me to deal with at first, (the number was alot higher than i expected and much higher than mine), I did get over it. I know that I am a thinker, so I would have wondered forever, there was no way to avoid the topic.
However, the thing that was the most important to me, was that whatever the number was, she promised me that she had never cheated on anyone she was in even a semi-serious relationship with. So I started to look at it a different way..... the forsaking all others for me perspective.
no matter who or how many she had been with before, she chose me over them for whatever (and not to make light of them) reasons. I've known now for 3+ years and my final reaction? I married her last month

fmb

Sorry Queso!! Sorry Kulots!

Anyway, somethings should be left alone; this is one of those things.

Dr. Weezil

They don't call him Jesus for nuthin'.

Two things you have to remember:

1. Trust

2. Insecurity

Deal with these and you'll be fine.

facepeeler

we've never had that conversation, because frankly, it's none of my damn business. I could give two shits about what she did before we got together, as long as she wasn't carrying some wild disease. And if she were to tell me *which I don't think would happen, since I don't care, and I won't ask* I wouldn't have a problem with it. As long as she's not doing them now, what the hell do I have to worry about?

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