Dr. Weezil

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All right, here's the deal:

Upon transferring to my new job last fall, I promptly started exploring the area surrounding the office for lunch and breakfast joints, convenience stores, supermarkets, etc. I find this coffee shop just up the road almost right away; it’s a very cool spot with not bad brew. What I also really dig about this place is that there are always very excellent ladies in there either as customers or behind the counter.

Ah, yes, behind the counter...

So, I’ve developed quite the lame yet heavy-duty crush on this fine girl that works mornings, which is usually when I can stop in for a cup. Actually, I try to make it a point to stop in when I can...

I really don’t know anything about her, but the way she comes off, her personality, it’s that kind of situation where you can’t explain why, but you’d just really like to get to know the person. Yet, I’m stupefied and it’s bothering the hell out of me. Maybe it’s the early hour of the morning, or just plain shyness on my part but after going in there for a while I’ve managed only to introduce myself and gleam her name and just recently have a fairly serious discussion on the proper preparation of cappuccino foam.

I’m powerfully interested but I’m dumbfounded for what to do. Basically I guess what I’m getting at is if anyone has any suggestions or ideas for tackling this I’d be absolutely grateful.

tsmo

if shes right down the road from your job.. when you stop in, in the am.. ask her if she'd like to have lunch that afternoon?

or.. tell her you get bored at work on an occasion, and ask her for her email?


good luck.. and dude.. pics. !

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I'm a terminal non-achiever

Green Eyes

Just start with small conversation, and not the usual, "oh, fine weather we're having." Ask her how she's doing etc., get to know her a little better and so you develop a level of comfort with each other, then ask her if she'd like to grab lunch sometime since you work right around the block.

mighty

One thing that ive noticed with females that work "behind the counter"- is the majority have to put on a front to please the customer- when I walk up to a counter and the girl is just smiling and saying good morning- I always think is she always like this, I wonder what she looks like in pajamas, does she act like this in Pajamas?>?

But what else can you do other than ask here out- and if she says no- then at least you have your foot in the door- maybe smashed but your in the door dammit!!

yellowfish

dude try humor
ask her if you can take her out to try the compititions coffie
and dont forget to compiment her evry moring she smiles at you

and chics are like animals 'they smell fear and nerves' so dont be shy just be you.

Dr. Weezil

Thanks guys, didn't forget about the thread, just timid to look at it!

I'll keep you all posted.

yammy

If you're a regular, have you even introduced yourself and asked for her name?

That's 101... as is playing it a bit casual for a while letting her know you're remembering her name, and by making regular small talk you'll let her know you actually think of her as something more than a just a chick coffee server. See if you can find work you can do at the coffee shop. Make sure to make small talk regardless.

If a rapport develops where you really get the sense she's into you, give it a shot. Otherwise lots of gals working behind the counter serving customers get hit on a lot and can put up a wall to avoid being asked out.

If you've built up the friendship a bit (albeit customer / server one from behind the counter) she'll know you're not some douche-bag who might just want to get into her pants on a fast date - and be more willing to go along with something.

Finally, I'm never a big fan of one on one first dates... Way too much pressure to perform on both parties, and in your situation where she doesn't really know you even if you've had lots of small talk -- possibly asking for one is going to get her to say no right off unless you're really impressive in 2 minute coffee buying doses. Instead, invite her and her friends to a party (or to a bar) you and your friends will be at. You should not consider it a date where you have exclusive time to her, and that'll give her enough wiggle room to decide if you seem decent enough to check out a party with your friends or not. You should consider it a good opportunity to get to know her better -- just don't be a blanket on her if she says yes. Be a good host making sure she and her friends are all having a good time. Be helpful at getting her friends to meet guys. But don't hang all over her group. Give them room to have some fun on their own. She'll know you've invited her since your interested in her. Give her the breathing room to figure out and let you know if she's finding you interesting too. Try to partner up with her in some drinking game / darts / pool or something.

Such low pressure situations gives you both the excuse to decide if it makes sense to get to know each other more (and then go on a date) or not depending on the flow of things. And if it seems sorta indirect, a guy is NEVER hurt in the short run by not appearing too interested in a girl. That's the biggest mistake some guys make is playing all their cards on the table right off the bat, leaving nothing to mystery for the girl = booooooring dude / too easy a catch for most girls. If she's interested in you she'll be more concerned about herself making a good impression with you by your not hanging all over her, that's never a bad thing.

If things totally go well, who knows??

I've found out a lot about gals in that kinda situation / let them find out a lot about me before either of you is wasting lots of time and money going out on one on ones where both are on best behavior rather than being themselves.

{otherwise, if i was going for a fast close quick date, I'd offer to buy her a cup of coffee during her next break}

Dr. Weezil

Yes, absolutely I have and it's a lovely name at that.



Like Fonzie, brother. However, I feel like I've just been spinning my wheels for too long. Too early in the morning I guess or too many screw ups and disappointments. Also, the work at the spot is a good idea but sadly impossible given the nature of my job; it has to be done at the office.



Absolutely, totally agree here. I do feel that I have the time of the day on my side because at 8a or so there are very few cats my age floating around the area.



It's problematic as I don't live near where I work and hence where she hangs out. Although I have friends that are in bands that play in and around the locale of the biz. I've been considering that angle, they just need to book shows around there again soon. I am a contributor to an independent literary magazine that I often leave copies of in the shop, and I was mulling using that as some sort of an in.



I totally agree because I've learned this many times the hard way. The pressure factor kicks in and you get a bit anxious and impatient so don't want to dawdle and thus you take the direct, lame approach. You think the straight-up, chivalrous move is the trump card, but in reality, the truth feels so counterintuitive you never believe it might be valid. I mean, really, how did you make any other friends in your life?



I'm not that fast close kind of guy, and again, can't get out of the office as freely - or at all - as I wish.

This was a great response, thanks!

BackdoorJesus

OK I know this is a serious forum & I'm not meaning to be a wiseass but I saw this article in The Onion & I thought of you...

Sources: Barista Not Actually Flirting With You

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yammy

Nahh. Its only a problem if you let it be one. If she's that important, you gotta do something.

1. Pick a bar in the neighborhood where she hangs out, arrange a bunch of your buddies to go out there, and tell her you and your friends are going to be there and she should stop by / to bring some friends.

2. Find a party out your way. If she's into you, she'll make an effort to get there with friends.. believe me.

If she's not interested either way, then at least you know. Doesn't mean you give up, but you change tactics.

You are in control and you can let your actions speak volumes while still letting her guess in her head vs. laying out your cards.

yammy

Hah. A classic for its truth!

Daiikun

I work at Starbucks and I can tell you right now that sometimes, the girls behind the counter do put on fronts. Hell, practically all my female coworkers have to because of the number of guys we have coming in who ogle them. It's nice that you're interested in her and, from what I've seen, it may not be that hard for you to get close to her as a friend or more. We have several regulars who we know very well and several of my co workers will go hang with them on their breaks and outside of work as well. Get to know her a bit first and then see how far it goes. Hell, if you smoke and if she smokes, offer to go on a smoke break with her. It may just work.