tmcsaint72

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so last night me and my girl got into it pretty bad (im really not sure what it was about) and it has carried into this morning. she was in a very abusive and controlling relationship a few years ago and now she is telling me that i show all the signs of being abusive and controlling (i have a hard time letting things just slide off my back and forgetting about them) and i got really upset and hit a doorway and ended up slamming a door or two. now i know i am not controlling and i would never hurt her or her little girl (in fact i would give them the world if they wanted). but her words are haunting me, im pissed off at myself, and she wouldnt talk to me this morning (not in a normal fashion anyway). i want to make this right but really have no idea what to do. she just keeps telling me that she doesnt want to talk about it or to me about anything just to leave her alone. should i or should i try to push it. when she left this morning for work my heart sank deeper than ever before.

thanks
saint

siopawman

just let her be. don't push it coz she'll just get more irritated. not knowing what to do and wait is one of the worst part in a relationship. but if she's asking for some space, give it to her. women have their own logic, and believe me, they're totally different from how guys think (in solving relationship problems). she knows whats happening and she knows what to do with it.

trust her... and hopefully, she'll bring back that trust in return...

Manning1985

simply tell her you are willing to work on it, if that means counseling so be it. But if you over react you did exactly what she was talking about, she doesn't worry about you as a person hitting her (or she wouldn't be with you) it probably a temper thing that scares her and you just hurt yourself by overreacting wether you would get so out of controll to hurt her or not

jShizz

I am guessing you live with her?

Give her her space like she asked (she should do the same if you asked). Sometimes people want time to cool down and collect their thoughts when in the heat of the moment.

When she gets home today, explain that you would like to talk about it and clear things up because you don't want tension between the two of you. Don't bring up what happened yesterday, just move forward with a resolution.

durden

space...thats what women want when their upset (atleast thats what ive found) yet at other times, they ask for space and what they really want is for you to comfort them. look for her signs...keep a watchful eye on her. follow your intuitions.

best of luck

BackdoorJesus

For future reference - remember that something said can't be un-said; something done can't be un-done.

TRY to think about what you say & do before you say or do it, and remember that if your fiancee has had abusive relationships before, she is BOUND to think about them when you do something that triggers a painful memory (like hitting a doorway or slamming a door or two).

While you may never intend to do violence directly to your lady, she may have seen this kind of behavior, in the past, as a precursor to just that. So tread lightly my friend & try to keep your cool.

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clamsrus

It is so easy for people once abused to lose trust in the intrinsic good of those around them. She knows you are a good man.....she knows you lost your cool.....and she knows that she and her child are safe with you, but what she doesn't know is how to reconcile the internal messages that come from having had a bad experience with the reality of your current conflict.

Time will help...but approach the problem of how you relate....not the issue over which you argued. this won't be the first or the last arguement I hope......ongoing dialogue, resolution, and understanding will overcome this....but it is a slow process, not a quick fix. Let her know you are in it for the long haul, and prepared to take the time to work it through.

She may be right! you may be right! but in the end giving each other the space to work it through individually and then listening to each other works. Chin up!!

Juan.©amaney

hmmm

20 years old living with a single mother...move on. seriously, she has emotional baggage. everything you do will be put under the microscope. you will never be allowed to take out aggressions in a healthy way. yes, slaming doors is often healthy.

my guess is she's your first girlfriend or serious relationship at least. maybe even your first piece of tail? you shouldn't be in a relationship...specially not with a single mom.

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