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I am trying to understand the concept of hooking up and how common it is in college today. I realize there is lots of drinking and sexual activity in college, but I guess I didn’t realize to what extent.

I was never one to hook up. I preferred relationships and have only been with a few women. I never lived at college, but my girlfriend did for 4 yrs. She has had "sex" with 3 guys before me. But her definition of sex is different than mine. She only considers vaginal intercourse sex. I guess I'm old fashioned, but I would consider oral sex and anal sex to be sex, and any hand usage/penetration to qualify as sexual activity, too (though more of a grey area, I guess). She considers that stuff "hooking up" or "fooling around". She said she hooked up about 12-15 times in college, sometimes with friends of hers, sometimes with people she met a few hours before. So I was a definetely little surprised by what she told me.


So I guess I have a couple of questions:

Should I consider sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse as sex?

Do women feel a lot of pressure from guys, their friends, and their social groups to hook up?

How common is this behavior among college women today?

Is 12-15 "hook-ups" (ie. oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, fingering) over a 4 yr period a high/low/normal amount for college girls? (Should I be concerned that my girlfriend can’t even recall the exact amount?)

Am I being naive to think that most women (in college or otherwise) don't have this many experiences by their mid-twenties?


I don’t mean to be sexist and focus only on women’s behavior, because I am sure men do it just as often. I guess I am just trying to understand my girlfriend’s concept of hooking up and whether her behavior is typical of most college women.

Dorkerbiter1

I know that when I went to school, the apartment across the hall was the spot to be...and I "hooked up" with probably 20 girls in a year while there. That didnt always include sex...but just a hot enounter with oral and nakie wrestling. Most demanded protection, as I did, but some didnt care one way or the other. Those were the ones you sent home before things got nasty! Hope this helps.

BTW...with the g/f...if she is commiting to you, then I wouldnt worry about her past experiences...she was just having some fun. get tested first though...and she shouldnt take that in a bad way. Just being safe.

Dr._

i don't know about girls but i can tell you about me

when i went to uni my number was 3 within 4 months at uni and lots of alcohol that had reached 13

and just for "hooking up" i don't know what constitutes hooking up if it's just making out or getting a hand shandy i dunno but that was much higher

and to assume that a woman isn't going to have much experience mid twenties is at least naive in some cases

clamsrus

SEx is sex is sex......makes no difference if it's just kissing, fondling, finger gymnastics, oral, anal, or vaginal, penetration or not.......it's what you do with someone, not to what degree you do it.

The confusion lies in what weighting a person places on the act itself, and for that matter what weighting they place on their relationship, be it casual and one of self gratification"getting your rocks off!", or something more meaningful.
Never having been the recipient of casual sex of any kind, I am probably the wrong person to comment......

My observations however have been along the lines that many women of today consider vaginal penetration, and internal ejaculation to be a personal matter...it invades their being in a way that sucking someone off, or jerking him off doesn't.
...and that the sexual act has become depersonalised to the extent that for many it is no more than a bodily function and release that demands their concentration rather than the act as an expression of something more meaningful.
My wife has bandied around the terms "sympathy f*ck" and ""f*ck buddies" describing how women use their sex as a tool to manipulate situations, or just to express the level of emotional attachment or motive behind the physical act.

IMHO if sex is no different to you than cleaning your teeth....just as casual as giving a friend a hug, just as meaningles as "rubbing one off" or "slapping the salami", then why would you get all strung up over who did what to whom, how many times or which way up etc....being rejected by a friend, some emotional trauma or whatever should have higher ranking.....but if like myself, it actually has some significance in terms of a physical manifestation of deeper feelings toward my partner, then some girl sucking her date off to finish off the night so she can catch the end of "LOST", or some guy screwing his date because it is expected, and another pelt on his belt, is a rather cheapening and shallow experience no matter how good it feels.

skept

Everyones definition differs. But yes you have oral, anal and hand sex



Nup - ultimately if you didn't want to hook up there would be no hookup.



When I was going through uni mate I was 18->22. During these years I had a number of gf's, dates and just a fuck. To me a serious commited relationship was in a very distant part of my mind. Sure I loved each of my gf's but my attitude was always the same - if it works out its great and we'll be together, if it doesn't work out well too bad. I would be a hypocrite if I said it would be right for me to have that attitude and for women to have a different one.


To be totally honest who cares? The most important thing of a relationship is not how many partners you had, or how many partners your partner had - its that when your in a relationship its exclusive. So this should never be a concern, as long as shes clean and is exclusive then in my mind thats all that matters.



Everyone lives their lives in a very different manner. If you are uncomfortable with the fact that your partner had sex before you then you should find another partner who is a virgin or had less sexual encounters. I don't ask my gf how many people she's slept with before me, because I truly don't care - the only two things that I care about is that shes clean / protection is used and b) if we are in a relationship its exclusive.



Long story short mate - it shouldn't matter. If shes exclusive and shes clean the only thing that you should be thinking about is making sure your happy and having fun in that relationship.

___________________________________________
Remember, remember the 5th of November...

89tracerman

wow 12-15 IMO thats alot my girl hooked up with 4 different guys before me, and i kinda think thats alot, but to each his own.

ocolie

Yes, definitely because its in the same basic principals, i bet if u "hooked up" or "fooled around" with another girl your girlfriend would not sit right iwth it. so yes definitely. thats why i dont have a girlfriend :P

im not sure because im not a girl but i would have to say yes because girls talk to eachother about guys and some are competetive
very common, ive been in college for almost 1 1/2 years now and ivve hooked up atleast 52 times with around 11-13 different girls.

low very low in my book most of the girls that i know going to my college have hooked up with more then atleast 8-9 different guys and i cant even count how many times they went back to them over and over again. some what yes...you should be concered

some what yes, you are being naive, because its not all women do that its only porlly 33% of college girls i would say.

masonx

I wrote a factual reply to your questions before I realised that what you are really asking is whether or not your girlfriend was, um, overly promiscuous before meeting you.

Whether a girl has one lover or fifty before meeting you, it is going to feel like too many.

"Every man wants to be his wife's first lover, and every wife wants to be her husband's last"
-Oscar Wilde

bob92lumina

cool

marbury8

well, i'm 25, been out of school for 5 years. My friends and I would have a party once a week when I was a freshman, on Thursday nights, and I'm sure I at least made out with a different girl 10-12 times that first year, and often did more than making out. If you girlfriend went to a fun college, and like to go out and party, 12-15 times really isn't that big of deal.

toomasio

i think any sexual acts that can cause a disease is sex...remember to add 50% on top of the number she said (for the amount of guys), cuz girls lie like its their job.

yeah get her tested...i prefer squeaky clean so i wouldnt hit that.

baldbush

you must apply the rule of 3's man.

Multiply what she tells you by three.

Green Eyes

I'll agree with that.

It's really personal preference. I don't go out and look for hook ups, and I'm not as bad as some of my friends who are basically with a different girl every night of the weekend, but, during three and a half years of college that when I was not in a serious relationship I'm pretty sure I was well over 15, hell, all of sophomore year I was with a different girl almost every month.

I always get checked before and after being with a girl. Also make sure she gets checked before you decide to do anything to/with her, and, even if you don't want to go to see her get tested, go there with her to see for yourself. I know someone who almost got royally screwed over.

bigmoney

12-15 is most definitely not the norm.

Actually, I think I read somewhere that around 20-40% of girls (sorry for the vagueness) are still virgins by the time they are 20, which generally covers two to three years of college.

I'm probably pickier than most, but i'd be concerned about any girl who has more than 3 partners in that four year period. That would sound like someone who is more about sleeping around than someone who is looking for an actual relationship. I'm not saying that your girlfriend is still the freebie girl today, since people do change. I'd definitely have her get tested though for everything you can think of though.