MoreCowBell

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Ok, so this is kind of a two parter.


First, i am just coming off a break-up with my first serious girlfriend (we were both virgins when we did it, we had both never done oral, she had only been with another guy before for like 2 months) in which we dated for 18 months.
I cant really say i know why she broke up with me, because she doesnt even know, but the closest i can gather is she just wasnt mature enough to continue such a serious relationship (shes just about to turn 18, still in high school and she said she wanted "space" to enjoy her last year of high school. Granted, i always gave her space and free time even when we did date, so she was just being unreasonable.)


But for me its a matter of why and how. Why did it have to be like this and How can so much that we had together mean nothing to her anymore. Like she honestly just goes about her day.......so either she is over it completely or she can hide it well.
How can so much mean so little to someone?
She used to give herself to me, now she wont even talk to me ever again. Why? How?

But also the hardest memories to overcome are the sexual ones. Not so much making out or masturbation, but the oral and intercourse because of how perfect it felt doing it with her. Im not really a sexual guy, im more into the passion and romance.
How do i not think about the past experiences we shared, how do i not think about my first time? Or rather, how do i only look at them with joy and not let them overcome me with despair and sadness?

Got any suggestions on ways of keeping my mind off of her?
Like most of the time im fine, but all it takes is one slip up, all it takes is for my mind to wander and picture her face or her body or remember a memory just once and than im done for (ie, im an emotional wreck)
Any suggestions?





Second part.......i talked with me ex-girlfriend (more like friend thats a girl that i "went out with" when i was 14 for 2 months) last night, and it was out of know where. Like i havent seen her for about a year or talked to her in that long, but she IM'ed me out of know where last night (it was perfect time because i was feeling like complete shit) and we just started talking. I stayed up til 2 in the morning talking to her, just shooting the shit, talking about college.
I always told myself i never liked her, even though i truly did, but last night it almost seemed like she was hitting on me also. I know its virtually impossible to tell over IM, but some of the things she said she was serious about (like she wanted me to come down to her college and visit her on a whim, or she wants to go out shopping with me when she comes home).

Am i most likely just making a huge deal out of this because im still hurt or could this really be some sort of (i dont want to say fate......) bigger thing since she started talking to me again at this very time when im looking for someone to talk to and do things with (ie, get my mind off of things)?

WEme

Be careful in a situation like this, it might almost feel like an easy way out or a quick fix......just be good friends with her but flirt a lot with her....one it will make you and her feel good(helps ease the pain) and "B" it could be fate so dont fuck it up. LOL
Invitations like that dont happen too often so take her up on that offer....just have sort of a back up plan(like you were visiting one of your buds so it was on the way sort of thing) if you dont have a back up plan like in two weeks just call her and tell her your on your way down right now.

CD

Your ex may have found someone she wants to date. That would explain a lot in my opinion. Not saying it's fact, but the no reason part is fishy. Of course, females generally don't tell their inner feelings in breakups so I could be WAY off base. My suggestion is to take things slow with the new conversations.

For the ex and getting over her and the memories... you can't. You can diminish their effect on you, but there is a reason they have that saying "you always remember your first". Just try not to judge future females based on the 1st. Cause nothing will piss off a girl more then being compared to another.

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Juan.©amaney

A girl that wants "space" is too scared to say she wants to break up. Like going out and dating without a safety net. If you see her with someone else, her excuse will be, I need space to see what's out there. If she sees you with someone else, she'll be mad and say, hey, it was just space, not an excuse to let you fuck around. Basically, your gf is a horrible person for not being up front with you. Many times, she is already talking to someone else she likes and wants to see where it goes BUT wants to keep you as back up.

As far as that other girl, go with it. I'm pretty sure you are young and that girl you met who was your first will always be something special BUT rarely will be the girl you ever end up marrying....and having it last anyway.

It's painful, but you deal with it.

I went through almost exactly the same thing, cept we went for 6 years. Time heals all wounds as long as you don't let her keep coming back and poking at them.

Cowboy up!

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MoreCowBell

Yea, im gonna see where things go with this other girl, but im not expecting anything. Right now im just enjoying the fact that im talking to someone new, getting my mind off of my ex.


Its getting a little easier everyday. Today i was able to look at pictures of her and listen to our song on the radio without really being overwhelmed. We'll see how things go.

O and she definatly isnt trying to date anyone else. She even had a few people ask her out when we broke up but she said no because she really does want her "space". Shes not your typical woman, espacially in the sexual department (she has never masturbated and she rarely ever gets horny.) Either way, i dont care if she does find someone else because shes already told me its over, so ive accepted that.
Its just trying to understand why it had to be like this that still bothers me. But im sure once i find someone else ill be happy it ended (im told each serious relationship gets better than the last).




Thanks all.

Juan.©amaney

Cut that shit out ASAP. In fact, put her shit in a box and put it as far away from you as possible.


1. She isn't going to tell you everything, only what she wants you to hear. Every guy thinks his girl isn't the typical girl...truth is, they are all cut from the same cloth. Deal with it.
2. If she rarely gets horny, she has issues.


You were told wrong. You get what you get and that's it. You might meet a few loser broads, and you might meet a few keepers. You might make it work with a loser broad or you might fuck it up...same as the keepers. It's a card game, you never know what you are dealt and life experiences only tell you which to keep and which to fold.

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MoreCowBell

I dont have any of her pictures left (or the stuff she got me), i got rid of all of that over a month ago. The picture was just a freak accident because it was still on my myspace. Thats about the only place where i still "see" her, but even then i dont post comments, send messages or any of that crap. I dont even look at her profile anymore.


And i was being serious........she rarely ever got horny. I think there was only 2-3 instances were she really wanted it, were she was really into it. Even a romantic evening couldnt get her going to much. Thats why im excited to find someone else, someone who can actually get into it.
I would still feel horny even after she would give me a BJ, just because it was so plain and repetitive everytime. She definatly got the good end of everything because i was always trying new things on her, pleasing her more. It seemed all she wanted was to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Im kind of happy to move on but also afraid and sad. Its bitter-sweet.

Juan.©amaney

It will be a good thing, I just hope you weren't the problem else you'll run into similar things with whoever you end up with next.

Again, best thing to do is cut them out of your life. That ex of mine still lurks, so I have to be CONSTANTLY blocking and moving accounts around etc. It sucks, she's a fucking psycho.

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MoreCowBell

For a while i might have thought i was (i thought maybe if i blamed myself it would make it easier to cope) but when i look back, i realize i did everything i could.
I never cheated, i never lied, i never forced her to do anything, i always did what she wanted, i always made sure she was happy first and i was never annoying (ie, i never called her constantly, i never bothered her.)
I mean i look back now and realize it was all her, she was just a bitch.
I got her a promise ring for our anniversary (1st year) and she just thought it was a .5 carat gift. It wasnt until a month later that i finally told her what it was that she realized it wasnt just a gift, that i really did care about her.
Cmon now.

I think its only good things ahead.........cant get much shittier than this (hopefully).

throatyogurt

you gotta put yourself first. even when you care about them, you can't guarantee they care about you as much. every guy has screwed up and not just relaxed and let himself be in a relationship. be who you are and the girl is ok with that, you're golden. if not and it lasts, you have to be someone you aren't for your entire life. then you wake up one day and realize it is divorce time. no good.

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MoreCowBell

And if i got one good thing out of this relationship it was just what you said.....be who i am.
Things are still going good, although i expect (hopefully not though) to have another bad day soon. Getting used to it though

Juan.©amaney

I didn't mean like that...I meant if you didn't do your job to make her always be horny, then it's you and not her. If she was put off by your lack of shennanigans. See, every woman wants the perfect guy like you were being, and then ends up with a dickhead like me. You're NEVER supposed to be 100% there for her, just enough to keep her wanting you.

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MoreCowBell

O no, i definatly did my very best to make her horny. She was just unaffected. Even when i knew her only as a friend i could tell that she just didnt care enough sexually.
Im not saying i wasnt bad at some points (it being my first serious relationship and all) but from talking with her after all the times we did stuff, i could tell i pleased her like no other, its just that she really wasnt that horny. She loved it to be done to her, but if it didnt happen most of the time it didnt bother her, even if i got her going and then stopped.

Sexually she was below average.






Haha, thats exactly what my manager said to me at work 2 weeks ago (hes 33 and was married for 10 years but just got a divorce). If only i would have known that a while back. O well.

kulotsalot

What I learned was that you have to quit asking yourself WHY you guys broke up, WHAT you could've done to make things work out, etc. It's a neverending cycle, you'll NEVER get an answer (from her or from anyone else you talk to about the circumstances of the breakup) and even if you do get an answer, chances are, you won't like the answer anyway, so it really doesn't do you any good.

Just accept the fact that she had her reason(s) for wanting to break up, and you have NO RIGHT to say whether her reason(s) are valid or not, if they're stupid or not, if they're worth breaking up for or not. For her, the reason(s) were solid enough to make her want to quit the relationship, so respect that and move on.

One thing I would caution you against (and I know this is very hard to do) is to try NOT to convince yourself that she was an evil bitch and you hate her etc. Learn what you can from the whole thing, and allow yourself to be angry while you work through all the emotional stuff, but DO NOT become a woman-hater. She isn't worth that.