subucni

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First off, I used to post on here under the name Subucni (if anyone was around a while back) but lost my password and my email for changing it got cancelled.

More importantly...

I found out today my parents are likely separating. I am less here for myself but for my sister. I am 21 and a senior in college. She is 15, still at home, and a sophomore in high school. I have confidence that I will be able to get through this alright thanks to what i know will be a supportive safety net of friends, my fraternity, and other connections, however, I worry about my sister.

If anyone can give me any advice on what to do for her to help her, please tell me. I go to school in Illinois while my family is back in Colorado which makes this even harder. I will be extremely grateful for anything anyone has to say.

skept

Personally I'd just make sure she knows that theres someone out there that loves her despite whats going on with your parents. Your brother and sister and you guys should stick together no matter what - so call her up and see what shes doing and hows she's feeling - in the long run that will mean more then anything else you could have done.

Wilken

Mega word, Skept has nailed it, you guys have to get on the same page. A divorce stinks, but luckily you're both old enough to know what the hell is going on. Get on the same team, go down to the pub and have a couple of pints, see where each other stands on the issue, and then offer some advice.

If you're a Pike, well then, so much the better...

Anibal

thats about right, id only add that you have to make sure to have her understand thats its no in anyway her or your fault, sometimes things just dont work out.

lovesit

Agree with everyone so far. I was about 12 or 13 when my parents divorced after a separation. I think at 15 you are just about old enough to start understanding that your parents have a life outside of you (this depends on the individual, of course.)

As stated previously, lending an ear and a shoulder is the most important thing you can do, although you should not get upset if she doesn't want to talk right away. If she doesn't want to talk after a week or two, you might have to do some nudging - not talking may be a sign that she feels guilty, ie responsible. Again, as stated earlier, she should be made aware that it is not her fault. Amazing how some kids take the blame for their parents separation. Of course, she may already be talking to friends about it.

Post again with an update.

CWB

good advice given so far ...

when my parents divorced my sister (9 years older than myself) and i got closer as we knew inside (her more so) that we could help each other ... my brother-in-law was a big help as well .

knowing where one "stands" with other people that you are comfortable with helps to avoid that feeling of being "alone" .
it is good that your sister is most likely talking with her peers ... however , you have been around longer than they have and have more depth to your understanding and abilities to explain the situation at hand .
having someone to confide in that is not biased (barring obviously dead wrong behaviors on the part of your parents) goes a long way towards not becoming emotionally enmeshed/torn between the parents .

i hope that it is/will be a "clean" divorce ... those drawn-out nasty ones just prolong the agony for all involved .

SMonty30

yup its been said before, but my parents have been divorced for 10 years now, just make sure that your sis knows that you love her, phone her more, send her cool little things in the post, and visit when you can

dont argue with your parents too, even if you really want to , as your sister will feel hurt that your doing that, and you wont be much good to her

i hope it all works out for you and your sis

popknot

take care of the girl.

your parents dont care or they would stay together for her sake.

you're 21, old enough to take care of yourself, but your sister still needs a home and parents.

shes going to have to make do with whatevers left over after the divorce. hopefully she can stay in her house, go the her school and keep her friends and network for support.

sounds like you're a pretty cool brother, its unfair to make you compensate for her lack of a parent.

just be a good big brother. good luck

HeavyKevvy

When my parents divorced I was about 19 and already living on my own whereas my younger brother was still living at the house and went through more of the drama than I did. But I know that the fact that he was able to come hang out and stay with me and get away from it helped him immensely. I know I'm not saying anything new, but just letting her know that you're there for her, that she can come visit you if she wants/needs to, and that she's not alone is going to make all the difference for her. Good luck.

subucni

Are you fucking kidding me? Because my parents are divorcing it means they don't care about my sister? That is one of the most idiotic, ludicrous, and ignorant statements I've EVER read/seen/or heard. Do me a favor and don't make any more innacurate broad generalizations about personal situations of which you have limited knowledge. I take that statement as a direct insult to my parents who are handling the situation as amicably as they possibly could given the circumstances, and have actually probably made things somewhat easier on my sister than they were before.

kulotsalot

Subucni... chill out. I know you are the thread starter but you are just as responsible for keeping the tone in here respectful as the other posters are.
This poster gave you his take on the issue, based on the limited info that you gave us, and also based on his personal experience with separations. I think you should take from it what you need (take care of your sister, which everyone else mentioned) and ignore the part which you know is untrue (that your parents are insensitive jerks who won't stay together for the sake of the kids etc).

tak

I am an only child, but i know when my parents divorced I wanted someone there. Just be a shoulder for her and offer her the refuge she might seek. Spend more time with her/take her out with friends. Act like a parent with visitation rights.

However, I never have been the emotional type and this hardly phased me, so if i had to break down in tears, i can only imagine if your sister is close to her parents at all that she would be in a bad place. Your best bet is to just get her mind off of the bad things.

Hope every thing works out for you and your family

popknot

you started this AND you asked for advo. dont go off on me for my opinion. i stand by my post.

justlookn

Really no advice, but good luck to all of you.