just don't feel appreciated!
 

I am a 22 year old that has been dating the same chic for 5 years nows. I am totally in love her and want her to be my wife. There is something that I just can't stand. Whenever we go out to dinner, movies,bar or the store I pay the bill. I never hear a thank you or get a hug or kiss or nothing about it. Granted she only works a few times throughout the week so I am not expecting to always have money to do things, so instead of sitting on our ass on the weekend, I dish out the money. But yet if she goes to the mall or store by herself or with a friend when I am at work, she all of a sudden has money to buy herself a shirt or something but never would get me something just for the hell of it. And when the weekend comes by she has no money again. I have told her a thousand times that if she knows that we are going to go out on the weekend if she could just save some money for the night. And I know for a fact that she is not trying to hide the fact that she has money because I see her bank statements and there is nothing in her account. She pays no bills,still lives at home.
So basically does anyone know what I should say to her or try differently to have her realize that money just doesn't get pulled out of my ass? I realize that I am guy and paying for shit doesn't bother me. Just the fact that I work hard and try to give her a nice time together and still never get a thank you or some love for it. Thank you for reading this and for any responses.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

You realize that you are a guy... and what? Please don't tell me you subscribe to the old "I'm the guy and I pay for x, y and z." It is a nice feeling to be able to treat someone you care about every once in a while, but yours is a very lopsided relationship. Footing the bill every. single. time. gets old real fast. Especially if you don't even get a thank you (which is free!).

What can you tell her? I doubt you can tell her anything that she would listen to, understand and accept. She seems to like her free ride, which is why she's not changing her behaviour even though you've made it clear that you want her to share in the expenses (which I believe is fair).

You basically have a gf who is NOT financially independent and yet you seem to think that marrying her would be a good idea. Hopefully you rethink that.

How come she doesn't work full time?

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

How about you try staying in a few times. Rent a movie. Order a pizza..or better yet get a frozen one and pop it in the oven. She'll end up asking you why you aren't going out. Tell her you are trying to pay off a couple of bills or had your hours cut back up at work.

Blame it on the high gas prices. Maybe then she'll offer to pay. If she doesn't then you can have the conversation about going dutch or something.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

:werd: I would also like to add that after 5 years she most likely expects it and will think something is wrong when you bring a movie over to watch instead of going out...

I would buy food to make at home and make it cheap... mac and cheese, frozen pizza, hamburger helper; and a movie that you already have or if you want... rent one thats been out for a while. See how she reacts, tell her that because she doesn't want to contribute you are down-grading the entertainment to something she might be able to afford to help out with, and if she wants the better entertainment that she is gonna have to help with the cost.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

If you're not being appreciated for your generousity, that's a problem. sounds like a lesson in manners are needed, to start with.

after that, you need to examine very closely the fact that people do change when they get married: they get lazier. if you're not getting appreciation now, what about later?

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

+1 gen. cutter, kulotsalot

I'm getting a very strong sense that there's more to this than just the money thing.

And 22 is too young; you've got quite a bit of living to do yet and I'm not just talking going out an banging other chicks as some of the other regulars here would suggest.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

bug

and I'm surprised juan hasn't come in here and mentioned that yet (though he'd tell him to go bang away).

only 22 and you've been in the same relationship for 5 years? not saying that it's impossible that it'd work out for life but it is very improbable. You're in your prime and should be out doing stuff for yourself, whether that includes two chicks at the same time or not.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

So at 2 decades old, the woman you have dated since you were 17 is the woan you want to marry and you are totally in love.....have you had sex with another woman? Just wanted to know if this is your first piece of ass or not....



Too late. She is used to getting everything for free. Her dad probably gives her everything and doesn't really require much from her. She is used to it and you will either be her sucker or she will find someone else to act in place.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

I was at work, but not reading the responses, I replied.... :juan:

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

I couldn't agree more, Juan. I've been with the same woman since I was 17, and was married at 19. Yes, I'd been with two other women before her, but it's really starting to catch up at this point.

To the OP, you should reconsider marrying her. You should probably ask her to grow up, then move in. She is still living at home, and like Juan said, she already has someone else footing the bill.

How old is she? Do you feel appreciated in any other way? Does she still want to be around you? I've been in your shoes, and in the end, the bitch was using my money. She would tell show appreciation every once in awhile with a kiss or something else, but it was only enough to keep me around.

Seriously, reconsider your situation. You need to get out in the real world, and actually realize there are very appreciative women still out there.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

dump her.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

It's kind of like that in my marriage and I resent that some times, You need to find some that is willing to do the same for you. Things can't be one sided, you''ll start to hate her for that before you know it.......I know, I'm already there

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

buh-bye smart ass remark

No but seriously, and it's sad to say this, a lot of woman look for a free ride. I own my own roofing company and It seems to attract gold diggers. Be cheap and don't give into her non sense. There is nothing wrong with making all of the money, men are born with it in them to be the providers. It just sucks when someone takes advantage of you. You are still young and believe me, there are woman who will appreciate you annd if she doesn't, get rid of her. It's not worth the stress and headache my friend. Sounds like she has some life lessons to learn. Hope this helps =)

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

I'm in the exact same situation. We have a horrible past, and because of it, I can only resent her, although we're both faithful at this point.

Re: just don't feel appreciated!
 

if you've been together this long and cant bring up something as simple as this then theres some issues there, and getting married might need some reconsideration cuz a divorce later down the road is gonna be even more costly than footing the bill for this chick now, man up and communicate or move on, i feel most relationships end cuz of situations like this where on person or the other is afraid to say whats on their mind