Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Last Sunday my girlfriend of almost 7 years broke up with me. Turns out she likes her step brothers friend as I caught her putting a note on his truck and they had been talking for a few days I think. When I brought up the note she broke up with me. It's now Friday and nothing has got much better. One day she says we can get back together if you go to counseling (becuase we fought sometimes), then later she says theres no chance and its just a cycle. Now tonight I called and she went to a party with this guy and now im all screwed up.

I've broke down and cried all week about this, im seriously heartbroken. Ive thought about killing myself because i cant see her with someone else and I can't deal with this. Just a week ago we talked about getting married and having a baby and now thats gone, well we've been talking about that for a long time but up till a week ago she told me she wanted that to happen. Shes all I would hang out with, i seriously have no friends, i live by myself I hate my life. I called her tonight and text her and she just says leave me alone and no i dont have a chance. Now she shut her phone off because I called her so much. I've been with her for almost 7 years, I love her dearly, I want her back, what do i do? I've left her tons of texts and voice mails telling her I love her and that i will do anything to work it out and will change the fighting and relationship for her. I don't know what to do, I just want her back shes my whole life.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

You sound exactly like I did summer of 2003. I only went 6 years, but basically, it all happened almost the same way.

Here's what I can tell you.

1. Nothing in this world is worth dying for. Especially someone who has done that to you.
2. You always have friends. You can PM me your phone number and I'll stay up as long as you need me to. You got your mother and father, assuming they are both still alive.
3. Ignore her, turn your phone off, leave it as far away from you as possible and quit thinking of what she can be doing.
4. Cry as much as you'd like, but stay professional at work and school. Crying is only helpfull to a certain extent.
5. DO NOT go to counceling. Not now. You don't need it. Relationships have fights. Unless you were verbally abusive or even physically, it will all be BS. If it got to the point where you were name calling and hitting, then the relationship was dead the time that happened, you all just hung on.
6. She will keep playing mind tricks with you telling you there is a chance one day and there is no chance the other. The reason they do this is because they aren't too sure if they will improve with the next guy so you have to be there for back up. What you ahve to do is remove that safety net so the bitch falls flat on her fucking face...she will 7 years doesn't go away in a week or two and after the whole good to meet you lets date and get to know each other wears off with the other guy and reality sets in...she will freak out. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER!
7. You are 25, you are young, you have known this piece of ass since you were 18, if I'm not mistaken your first piece of ass or at least your first steady piece of ass. You aren't in love, you are used to her. You don't miss her, you miss steady sex. You aren't broken hearted, you are afraid you will never find someone to replace her....and you know what...you wont. Because no one will ever be the same....but they do get better, some with differences that will be better and some with similarities that might not be the same but you ahve to embrace it.

Like I said, you can pretty much call me any time of day if you need to. Do yourself a favor and try and get your phone number changed. You need to dissasociate yourself from her and do not talk to her. The reason being, as soon as you start climbing that ladder to get out of that hole, she'll come back and say she misses you or something stupid and you will be back in the same hell hole.

Stay strong brother, no matter what, there is always someone there. Your life isn't messed up, you will make it through and you will be better off without someone that went behind your back.

I remember always being sad that I was talking to her about marriage and having kids and making the best love session we ever had in ages....then on new years eve, I have a car accident, she calls and says, sorry we need to break up. 3 days before it would have been 6 years for us officialy. It gets easier with time. Just a few days ago, I mailed her back the rest of her baby pictures I still had and threw out any remaining pictures in boxes that I still had stashed away. Took me 4 years to be able to say I'm over her to the point where if she died, I wouldn't shed a tear.

COWBOY UP! Death is not the answer.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

listen to juan bro, what he says is true.

I too was with one for six years and when she broke up with me, I was heartbroken, I didn't think I could go on...etc.

Six months later (and yeah it takes that long or more), I had clarity: I had been miserable with her and I just didn't see it because I was so, like juan said, used to being with her.

Now that breakup was something like two and a half years ago, and now I look back at it & I say, "My God, that was the best decision I never made!"

The biggest & coolest thing: since we split I was able to accumulate enough money to buy my own home. In Southern California less than 20 minutes from the ocean, no less.

Since we split I was able to change jobs, after staying stagnant in the same one for 18 years, and now I am on a much faster & successful career track with a bright future at a new company & European travel & a promotion in the near future.

My relationship with my parents is better, my relationship with my daughter is better, my relationship with my daughter's mom is better, plus I don't have to deal with HER fucked up family any more (they hated me; I hated them).

Dude - for every door that closes, another one opens, and this is not bullshit, it is the truth - I have lived it!

You must pull yourself up & move forward.

Do you have a church? Go to it, it helps.

Friends? They will come out of the woodwork - you left them behind when you got wrapped up in your relationship, make some calls - even if you haven't spoken to them in years they will be there for you.

Most of all hang in there and stay frosty. You WILL get past this you have to just give yourself the chance.

Trust me when I say that someday you too will look back & say, "Goddamn - that was the best decision I never made!!!", and you will MEAN IT!!!

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Thank you Juan, your a good guy. I might have to take you up on that offer but nobody wants to listen to me sob right now.

To answer some questions, yeah I have my mother and father, I called my mom earlier and told her the situation and that I wanted to die and i can't take this. She didn't help much but she at least talked to me.

Your pretty close. Yep im 25 and known her since then, shes not my first, but my longest relationship by far. The one before her was only a year.

I see where your coming from, but it's easier said than done. I guess maybe I just need to cry my eyes out for a while and try to get over it, but I don't know if i can honestly. Your right I have thoughts racing through my mind like shes probably having sex with him, blah blah. I hope not, I dont think shes that much of a ho, I dated her a year before we had sex, but now she likes it so she will do it much sooner.

Thats a shitty deal what your ex did to you. I know its not good that you've been though this before, but I appreciate your input and you do have some good points like shes just doing that for a safety net. I agree there shes leading me on. damn it i can't face the facts that this is what I have to do. This is too hard.

Thanks brother I appreciate it as always.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

yep! even if you have lost your faith, churches always take you back in. The Lord has a way of always being there when everyone else seems to have bailed...however:


I used to spend friday nights making excuses for why I couldn't hang out with my bros because that woman didn't like it when I was myself around them. enough that they stopped calling and inviting me. I took it as in they weren't real friends. But when I was down, after breaking the bros before hos rule, they didn't even bat an eye when they were all about the, "come on down nigga, we're having some beers and chillin" The rest is a weird story and a transformation into the man that I am now. A man I could never have been if I was still under the matriarcal rule of that hideous woman that fucked my relationship with my friends and family up for what seemed like an eternity, but now is really just a hiccup in the story of life.

Better now than AFTER you went and started that family and ended up with divorces and a kid with no real home.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Whenever you're ready.


Your mother has lived through this. She knows its all words. Don't blame her...we're all drama queens once in a while ;)


I remember how it happened to me and at the time I thought it was easier said than done. Truth is, its as easy as coming out of your shell and taking care of yourself.


You don't want to know the truth. It will hurt. Which is why I say that staying the hell away from her and pretending she died is better. In a way, she is dead, because she will never be the same girl you fell in love with.


Yeah, it was a shitty deal, but I hope the guy she is with now treats her well, that way she never makes her way back to me. :clemson:

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Thank You backdoor J, id rather call you by your real name since your screen name is humorous, but thats okay. My name is Kyle btw.

I appreciate your help too bro, im glad to hear this from another person that has been in the same situation. Right now it just seems so hard to brush myself off and get back up. I think the only way to get this out of my head is to start talking to another girl, no dating but something to get this off my mind. True on the friends, i brushed them off when I was serious with her, but now most of them are married or heading that way as well. I guess since I have all this extra time ill have to go make some new friends.

Im finishing up college, I graduate in december from pittsburg state university in kansas. So i guess i have something to look forward to but not much.

Thanks you guys, I do appreciate it, i feel better by hearing your input.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

You guys are amazing, Thank you both, I really appreciate the words of wisdom now that ive got my head straight. I definately need some wisdom right now. I owe you both a round of drinks. If you ever come to KC for some reason let me know and we'll go knock a few (or a lot) down.

Guess what transpired today. She was with him all day and didnt answer a call from me because I was stupid and called to see what she was doing. Well I left her some nasty text messages and wrote her a 5 paragraph e-mail basically saying im gone im tired with the mind games and this bullsh-t. An hour later I get a text message saying we gotta talk. I said oh yeah? and she says "im pregnant". Lmao geezus does it get any better than this.

She pulls out the im pregnant bullsh-t to keep me around, this is classic. What a drama queen. I said okay well when it pops out i want a paternity test and ill claim it if it says its mine, but i dont believe a word you say when you went behind my back to date another guy so screw off. Everybody ive talked to said to get rid of her that is my online friends like you and people that know me personally and know her personally, not one person has said to keep her around so thanks to all your good help thats just what im going to do even know its hard to resist the temptation and im vulnerable at this time. This is going to be hard guys.

This is turning into quite a soap opera so ill keep you updated.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Im only posting here because i think that what art and juan said are probably the best advice ive heard (or read, whatever) ever. Im 21 so i wont bother on giving you advice, not my place and i havent ever lived through something like that.

Just now that people will be there for you when you need them, take juans offer and talk to him he is a great guy. Best of luck kyle.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Thank you Anibal, i appreciate that. I know Juan's a good guy, ive talked to him a little on here in the few years ive been on the forums. I do want to give him a call and chat for a while for the heck of it.

Ive got another one haha, paybacks are a bitch and this is just a start.
She played mind games with me and i dished some back. I said "come here and have sex with me and ill think about getting back together." and she said okay and she drove an hour to my apartment. I'm not even there, I came to stay at my parents house that is 45 minutes away for the night, what a focktard.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Hey I don't have much to add as Juan and BDJ here have pretty much got it covered. But one of the greatest undiscovered secrets of this place is that when someone has fallen on hard times and REALLY needs that safety net, this group of "strangers" from the internet are so willing to listen and talk and help, if you let them. If you poke around the Vag there are quite a few sagas here where we have just gone through the whole process with people who just got broken up with/cheated on, etc.

Sometimes I'm kinda sad that I didn't get to take advantage of that when I went through the whole breakup thing, but I probably needed more "real life" friends anyway. :)

Good luck, we are always here to listen if you need to just talk it all out.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

You hope not? Dude, if she's pregnant and it's this other dudes, I think that will teach them both a lesson. Cause the dude was a fucktard for making moves on a girl in a relationship. And she would be up shit creek if the first penis that came around was permanently going to be associated with her.

I have been there and know it's hard to think about the "what ifs". However, since I've been there before, the what ifs get easier to deal with because you grow as a person. Trust me, what she's doing doesn't really concern you anymore, since you aren't and won't be a couple again (or at least you shouldn't be).

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

I have to say that Juan and BDJ are pretty much right on. I've had some nice little forays into similar shit storms and it gets easier with time. For now, I really, really, really suggest keeping your distance from her, seriously, just leave it alone.

If you're at college just ask some chill guys and girls from class if they wanna chill out and grab some beers at a bar or something, starting new friendships is that easy.

As for the whole "omfg I'm preggers" bit, don't sweat it for now because there's nothing you can really do about it.

Hope things go well, Kyle. If you want/need to talk, you know the drill.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

Juan and BDJ are right, and I wouldn't be surprised if she pulls a fake miscarriage with in a month or two. I do hear of a lot of females doing this. Please don't fall for her games, and I urge you not to play any with her, take the high road out of town.

Re: Girlfriend broke up with me, now what?
 

lol yeah my ex dd the fake miscarriage thing lol