Marriage Limits?

[gen. cutter]

So, an update on married life:

My wife's new boss has been hitting on her: on the sly, with little complimentary comments, asking her to go to lunch almost everyday (to meet him somewhere in separate cars-he's married too), doodling on her notepad during office meetings where he insists she sits beside him, and standing very close behind her when she's working at her desk- she says she thinks her looking down her blouse. These are the stories she tells me; I know she censors more.

The thing is, these stories started out with her being uncomfortable. And one time in a private talk in his office, he basically let her know he's interested, and she let him know that she would never cheat on her husband. Well, the flirting has lessened since that conversation, but still happens. And now, I can tell she is starting to like it.

I know from what she has told me that he is middle aged and good looking and married. My wife is in her late 20s and very pretty.

Well, she is no longer uncomfortable around his flirting and has been asking me, slyly, what the boundaries of marriage are: Are you allowed to 'office flirt' a little? (I tell her you should be warm and friendly with who you work with to keep up good relations. There is often nods and innuendo to flirtatious subjects in office, but not direct flirting.) Are you allowed to go out to lunch? (I tell her, as a rule, most married bosses don't have a good excuse to have regular lunches with their married employees.)

It is at this point that I realized she wasn't asking me if what he was doing was inappropriate anymore: but rather, was asking me if she was allowed to; would I be jealous if she lunched with him at times? Because she felt like going out last Friday with him instead of 'eating alone'. I told her I will leave her office politics and relationships to her. I trust her and believe she can take care of herself- but why would you want to go to lunch socially with someone you know is interested in you romantically? You'll just lead them on.

I'm a little taken with her response to this guy. Mainly because the way she has always trumpeted how fidelity is the most important thing in the world and she kill me if I ever cheated on her; I would have thought she would have rejected any advancement or extracurricular activity with another man. But instead, she has seemed receptive and flattered by his compliments. I can 'hear' that she likes his confidence and position of authority- he's supposedly good looking to all the women at his office and he knows it. She hasn't said it, but knowing her, I'm sure she's impressed by his income. She used to pretend she was annoyed by his self-confidence, but with her answers to my specific questions, she is slowly giving herself away.

Anyway, is my description of the limits of marriage appropriate? Is it proper, or even a good idea, to go out to lunch with someone whom you know is interested in you. If I worked with a hot girl who obviously liked me I would be flattered and honestly, I would keep things light-hearted between us. I don't flirt because: what is the point? But, I would still be friendly while not encouraging her because I'm married. I guess I have to assume she will do the same; even as she has stepped up her appearance at work and her work out routines at the gym.

I gave her an option without her asking for it: I said before anyone outright cheats, I think any married person should have a conversation with their partner if they think an open marriage can be an option. I mean, if she's getting some on the side, its unfair that I'm not. For the last few years after our child, our sex quality and quantity has declined. But, oddly, she has been aggressive and desirous of sex as of late. She says it must be because she has taken a break from birth control. Anyway, she claims she would never cheat and thus ruin our relationship for our child. But her response to this married a-hole hitting on her- a married woman (and other women in the office), have me a bit annoyed.

Honestly, if she cheats; I get out a of a lame marriage. But my little girl suffers. So this is lose-lose. So, there's an update. Any thoughts on marriage limitations?

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT, PLEASE TAKE MY ADVICE AND DON'T GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU ARE RICH AND WANT CHILDREN. OTHERWISE, CHILL; IT'S A MYTH.