I dont like being married.

[gen. cutter]

Sorry to burst anybodies bubble who may be considering. But I would like to voice this opinion, as a man, without too much backlash, if possible.

Yes, it was my decision. Although, I must admit, growing up in a religious house and within the social ideas of the southern U.S.A. states, I believed at the time it was expected and correct to marry someone when you loved them. So, I proposed. I got married at 27 years old, and it has been 5 years.

First, I do not enjoy having all my financial decisions tied to someone else; who is no better at making important financial decisions as I am. When it was just me, I only had myself to blame for stupid decisions.

I also fucking hate how having a kid and a job and family obligations means, to her, that passionate sex gets put on the back burner. Whereas, to me, it is just the stress reliever I need from all of those obligations.

I also distinctly miss coming home at the end of a long day to a quiet, peaceful home where I can do whatever I feel like doing, by myself. Solitude is an almost forgotten luxury.

I fall into that class of men who can say: my wife is a good mother and faithful partner. But, please: almost every mother loves and takes care of their children. And of course she faithful, sexually; she simply doesn't care for sex very much since having the kid.

The real test of a good husband or wife to me, is that they keep trying to fulfill all those obligations that are a part of marriage. Not just the easy ones; like loving your children or staying faithful to your partner. If you ask me, wives get lazy after a while, in the sex department. And then they act all shocked and hurt when their husbands look for excitement outside their marriage. Since I am not a lazy person in any part of my life, it irks me to have to put up with laziness. But I am not a cheater either, so I guess I'm just screwed, or not screwed as the case may be.

So, sex is a big part of the equation, though there is more. Once a week is not enough for me; I have a very high sex drive which has not changed since we began dating. Her sex drive has changed-or she was faking it during the courtship.

But having a wonderful little girl changes the argument from 'why to leave' to: 'why to stay'. I can't have her raised in a broken house like I was. But, honestly, I am looking forward to the day she turns 18 and begins her new life, so I can leave and get back to my old life; my own.

I will be 47 years old by then. Sucks that I will waste so many years pretending to be happy with someone who doesn't want to fuck me as much as I want to fuck her. But my daughter's happiness is worth it. Sometimes I think the greater portion of an adult's life is pretending. Faking a smile at work and home, just to keep up the social agenda without disturbing the herd.

You live and learn. But some lessons are harder and longer then others.

You can write back hate messages if you like to this post. Or you can give advice if you have personal experiences. Single people don't have a clue, but I hope they listen good. I wish I could afford a shrink, so I'm voicing my disappointment here. Thanks for letting me vent.

[BackdoorJesus]

Something I've found is that if sex is important to one partner but that importance is not recognized and supported by the other, this will be a deal breaker 9 times out of 10.

You need to get your wife on the same page with you sexually or ultimately you will end up seeking fulfillment elsewhere, and this relationship will end in a way neither of you really want.

I hope she can get back to showing you the affection you need or else become open to allowing someone else to take care of your needs. Either way she signed on with you for life, and if she is committed to that, then she needs to be taking care of her wifely duties or be prepared to let someone else do it for her.

I hope things work out for you.

[carstunts]

I'm with Backdoor Jesus on this one... but gen. cutter makes many valid points. gen. cutter should talk to his wife about this. Tell her that it would be a stress relief for the both of you if you two made more time for sex. Sex is still an important thing when you become older and is still very important in a relationship. Communication is important in a relationship, even if the other person doesn't listen or communicate effectively (at least you made your point known). But the main point... why get married? If you can live a happy life and do whatever you want... why not? It's true, it's all about the "mating process", but most people just go with the flow and get married because they love and care for that person. Some people also don't consider the legal complications if things do go south in the marrage. I wish you luck gen. cutter. Perhaps some sex therapy might be necessary in order to get things back the way they were. Some can also blame womens changing hormones on this one... but that's a different subject.

[canu]

Just remember if you guy's split up remember your daughter is first in your lives don't bring her down...try and get some help.

[BackdoorJesus]

I don't think cutter's going anywhere, but needed to do some venting so it's all good.

But a heart-to-heart with the other half is definitely in order for the man.

hang in there bro it's always worthwhile to try talking it out

[Juan.Camaney]

From what I've read, you are really pissed you ain't getting laid. You are very pissed that the house is always loud/busy. You are very pissed that you had to grow up.

That's good. It shows you still have passion for life. Now the challenge is for you to spice it up for the rest of your family. Find out why your wife is uninterested in sex. If she is too tired from taking care of her womanly duties, help her out! If she is uninterested in sex, maybe its you and not her Have you gained weight? Do you smoke/drink/stink? Is your peepee small? Is your technique outdated? I change favorite positions every month when I am monogomous just to keep them on their toes...or toes curled as the case may be

Your heart is in the right place, big guy. You have good morals for wanting to stick with it, but you are absoloutely upset that maybe you didn't enjoy your life a little more like you should have.

Just so you know, you are fast approaching the 7 year mark...they don't call it the 7 year itch for nothing, dude!

Here's to hoping you and your family are blessed with some form of solution for your desires!

[gen. cutter]

Thanks for the mature responses guys. Except for Juan...(j/k., but I'm in the best shape of my life right now and am willing to do ANYthing for her. I have made an concerted effort to be appealing to my wife, for my part.) The 7 year itch is a good point, but my problem is not looking OUTside of my marriage.

So, we have spoke many, many times about our slowly depreciating sex life. And my house, well, it's not too loud, really. But I suppose I just miss the solitude of my own life, now that marriage isn't all that it promised to be.

Mainly, I guess I'm expressing disappointment with marriage. Why does society, movies, parents, etc. make it out to be the goal of two people in love, when at least 60% of marriages fail? And the majority of those are due to infidelity. And further, knowing that, why do wives get lazy in the sex department? Not very bright.

But it is even more then that. Husbands wish to make their wives happy; because when they are happy, you're happy- so it would seem. Knowing this, a wife will push for things beyond your reach until you give in. So, unnecessary financial strain is introduced to life by wives.

Look, a lot of guys have a much worse case then I do. And my daughter is worth any irritation. But I am quietly looking forward to confirmed bachelorhood once she is an adult.

To all guys considering marriage, this is my 2 cents from experience: Resist the pressure. Just live with her. In this day and age, there is no reason to get married unless you actually want children NOW. Don't get married until the day you want children.

[BackdoorJesus]

Listen to him Juan

[Juan.Camaney]

Originally Posted by BackdoorJesus

Listen to him Juan

I know why you said that. You know of my plans.

Financial hardship, I don't see that happening, both the GF and I have lucrative carreers as engineers and have figured out budget and we are going to be putting a lot of money away. She loves sex. This is THE healthiest sex life I have ever had. She's whooped. I don't mean that just to say it, she literally looks at me googly eyed sometimes and is constantly sighing and can't stay away from me.

I know, I know, you *ALL* were like that at first, right? Did I mention she is my best friend and has been one of my best friends since 2001. I've been through her break ups and my woman hating with her. I've traveled all throughout the US on engineering conferences with her. We had tons of dates that never ended in sex. Now, we both want kids, we already have the house, the nice cars, the toys, blah blah. Unless something goes catastrophically wrong, I don't see this ending bad.

The difference IMHO is that we both led healthy lives as individuals and I got all the whore out of my system....at least I hope. We don't need each other financialy. We can both have meaningful healthy lives without each other. We just want to share life together and bring some kids into the world and raise them the best we can. This one doesn't care if I will be a provider much...she even said I could be a stay at home dad and start up my business from home again.

I did my homework. It really sounds to me like the general here rushed into things because it was expected of him. In my family, its the same story. Everyone hated that I wasn't thinking marriage. In fact, I've heard countless times "your friends are out getting married and having kids, and all you are doing is getting drunk and fucking women over" That's not 100% correct, I never fucked anyone over that didn't have it coming to them. But I digress.

This is why I'm a big proponent of no one should have serious GF's before they are 25. No one should be married without at least living with the woman first for at least 6 months to a year (also doing that now). Sex tapers off with time and worse with kids, carreers, and mortgages. So if you aren't done getting your cookies, remain bf and gf only. No one should be rushed into marriage because that is whats expected of them. That's one of the reasons why 60% (number used in this thread) of marriages fail.

ALWAYS keep time for yourself! There is no reason the general can't just have everyone leave for a day and leave him to himself, his thoughts, and his quiet time. The solitude thing...I totally dig that. I used to spend saturday mornings stoned watching cartoons as loud as I can...I miss that now, but it did get old. I guess its a case of the grass is always greener...now, I get stoned on saturday mornings and do yard work while the little lady does laundry and makes me breakfast. Unless we sleep in and fuck until noon....whatever.

Cliffs: Do your homework and always keep in touch with your girl friends who were hot just in case they get desperate lol

[gen. cutter]

Hey, you're speaking my language, Juan. I always used the 25 years old rule and was 27 before I proposed. I thought that was old enough to marry. And it is; if everything stays the way it was when you're dating. It doesn't.

And the grass is always greener- I'll give you that one.

But Chris Rock said another truism. Ladies can't wait to marry you...so they can NOT fuck you. As g/f's, they have to. Cynical? Me?

And if it's not marriage itself, having children will DEFINITELY take the stream out of your love life. At least for most woman. Oddly enough, men seem to getting kinkier as they age. Cruel joke.

But if you want children like you say you do, I absolutely support marriage. Congrats. Otherwise, I'm pushing the bar to no marriage for guys until 35. That way you got the wild oats, self-knowledge & finances settled. Men can have kids anytime.

[Ryan]

I actually have room to talk in this thread.

I'm 29, engaged (getting married in February), and know this story all too well from a previous relationship.

About 3 years ago I found "the one". She and I went to high school together, yet never dated because one of us was always in a relationship. We spoke throughout the years about how we were destined to be together someday, but never had anything happen.

We eventually wound up together and knew our searches were over. She was starting law school on her way to being successful, and I was already a few years into my career as an IT Manager. Finances weren't a problem.

After dating for a bit, we moved in together. After living together for about a year, the sex went from 4-5 times a week to 1-2. It was ridiculous. She just lost her drive with everything going on in her life. Thank god I lived with her first and found that out. We broke up about 2.5 years ago.

A few months later I met my fiance. She's 8 years younger. Jackpot.

We actually wound up having a baby a few months ago. After the standard 6-week waiting period (felt like I was waiting to buy a gun), we got back into the sex cycle. Even with a baby, we are back in a healthy rhythm. I couldn't be happier!

I guess my point is that it's not marriage or kids that ruin relationships. It's the people that are in them.

I'm all for the waiting until older part and living together first. In my case, I even tried becoming parents together before getting married, although I can't exactly say I did that on purpose.

Anyhow... you got some great advice in this thread. Sometimes you have to make sex appealing and put effort into the relationship. Sometimes you wind up with someone who sees eye to eye with you on everything and it comes easy.

Sounds like you're in the first boat. Your kid comes first, though, no matter what happens.

[gen. cutter]

Ryan,

So you lived together for about a year and found out what you needed to know. Great! That's exactly what I admonish.

If you are lucky enough to find the chick who doesn't lose her sex drive after a child, hang on to her. The majority of us aren't so lucky. But only time will tell, for the truth is you never know what her body will do, and neither does she.

I think my experience is of the majority in this case. I can't tell you how many older, married dudes advised me to stay single for longer even then I did. Marriage made two markedly different changes in my g/f: a) it made her want children almost overnight. I fought her for two years on it before she beat me down. b) it made her want a house almost overnight. Which was a big purchase that were not ready for, honestly.

This is what guys have to look forward to with marriage. This "nesting" impulse that woman go thru as soon as they finally cage the man they've been trying to catch with all those lures at their disposal.

But yes, you do what you have to for the children. And it's not really unbearable. Just a good lesson. I am still an optimist. So, I look forward to the supposed female sexual peak kicking in around 35-40's. So maybe I'll get a few good years in before I regain my freedom. That's a nice thought. And if she really lights up at that time who knows...maybe I'll end up being buried beside her.

But honestly, I still think I'd rather sleep alone.

[joerockhead]

I have never been married, and I do not plan to ever get married.
I am glad for the decisions I have made, and have had many girl friends. Some wanted more and some did not mind. but they ALL eventually wanted some kind of commitment.

I have also known many married women, they love their husband, but they say the sex is routine or boring or not enough for them to achieve bliss.

And yes, when I was young, I would help out those married women, I had fun and no commitment. They liked it too.

But I finally made the rule to say no to any married women, as if they truley loved their husband, they would encourage them to do what they need to have to reach that point of bliss. (and I was afraid of getting killed by a angry husband).

I am dating a woman now that says she will never get married again, and we are both very happy. Of course, it is only six months now. I wonder what she will feel like at 1 year, or 2 years.

Point is - Talk to your wife. Explain that you lover her. But you need some space. I am sure she does too.

Good luck.

[gen. cutter]

Talk, talk, talk. It's good advice. But only works so much. But thanks, bro.

Stay single.

[MaxZorin]

Originally Posted by gen. cutter

Why does society, movies, parents, etc. make it out to be the goal of two people in love, when at least 60% of marriages fail?

Trust me, i'm a lawyer and your are absolutely right. Marriage, in my personal oppinion, it's just the worst way to screw up a wonderful relationship.
I'm dating a divorced womand for 3 years now and she, like me, doesn't wanna know or hear anything related with "Yes, I do"
My plan is simple, if i already have a wonderful relationship, why screw it all with a ring and a marriage certificate. I personally don't know why many marriages fail but i don't wanna get caught into one of it just to find out the reason.
I'm sorry to hear you experience gen.cutter, i really hope it gets better to you and your wife starts to give you what you wants (SEX), i admire you for doing all this for your child, it shows the kind of men you are. Many women would kill for a housband and a father like you are.
My advise as a lawyer from Chile, don't get married unless you talk to a lawyer first. And if you do talk to a lawyer and you still want to get married, then you're a crazy son of a bi*** who deserves everything that's going to happen to you. and when you come back to my office asking for a divorce, i'm gonna enjoy telling you: dindn't i told you so??
(jajaja)
Love & Peace.