Masterbation Horror Stories!! HAHAHA

[HIJACKER]

Enjoy...

http://www.masturbationhorror.com/reader.shtml :bowrofl: :bowrofl:

Here's a quick one for you to read that I found to be the best example of a true fucktard.


Shower Shot

The first time I masturbated in the shower I didn't really expect my cum to shoot out so fiercely so I wasn't aiming and I let myself ejaculate freely. Unfortunately my accuracy was way off and it shot straight into my left eye! I was crawling around in the shower for at least 20 minutes trying to wash it all out of my eyes




Saran Wrapped - Anonymous, UK

When I was younger I wanted to use a condom to wank in. I couldn't get hold of one though. So I thought: CLINGFILM (you might call it sandwich wrapping or Saran Wrap in the U.S)! So I made a nice pocket for my dick in clingfilm. When I put it on it slipped and wasn't tight enough, so I decided to tape it up at the base of my dick. I then got in bed and humped a pillow. Afterwards I went to take it off but it was stuck to my pubes. My pubes were tangled up in sticky tape! I lost a handful pubes (pulled from the roots), before I managed to find a pair of scissors. It is really painful having your pubes ripped clean off.

[roachdude]

Coke and a Smile

I had a sex with a glass coca-cola bottle. It became stuck and wouldn't come off and I realized it was because of vacuum pressure in that bottle caused it to seal inside my pussy. I had the ambulance come to drill a little hole on the pop bottle for it to let some air release and it came off. Never would fuck the damn bottle again. I love any toys beside something like this!

how the hell is a GLASS coke bottle going to cause a vacuum seal? a plastic bottle maybe... dear god if you are going to lie about something and make up a story... at least put some freaking thought into it... geez. i could raise the bs flag to almost every single one of those stories.... should just rename the site... "Dream up the weirdest masturbation story possible... and post it here" hehe nothing against you hijack.. .this is entertaining stuff... but people are stupid hehe

[sonrisa10201]

Bright Idea

I came home drunk one night and started masturbating in the bathroom. Because I was drunk, I wasn't getting good sensation. I squatted and screwed a burned out light bulb into my ass. When I came I fell backwards and broke the light bulb. It took a lot of straining, digging and tearing to get the metal out of my ass. I bled for two days. I don't use any thing breakable any more.

this one was my favorite, i agree most of those seem like bs.

[radman62488]

Well i THOUGHT i was home alone once, so i went into my room and started wanking it to the SI:Swim Suit Edition (2001 very good issue) well i heard someone start to open my door so i chucked it under my bed but O SHIT MY DICKS OUT!!!! well when the door opened it was my little 6 yr old brother LOL, well i just told him that my hand and my penis were having a fight and the hand won, and i got away with it. I know it doesnt sound truthful but it is you can ask my brother =P

[Indigenous]

Some new additions for my "WTF?!" file...

I am a 19 year old guy, and one afternoon I thought it would be fun to insert a cucumber all the way into my anus.

Because I was drunk, I wasn't getting good sensation. I squatted and screwed a burned out light bulb into my ass.

I was masturbating one day with a butter knife

She then got a brillo pad, lubricated my ass well, and inserted this wire thing up my ass.

It's amazing the human race has managed to last this long... :eek4:

[wildcat066]

how the hell is a GLASS coke bottle going to cause a vacuum seal? a plastic bottle maybe... dear god if you are going to lie about something and make up a story... at least put some freaking thought into it... geez. i could raise the bs flag to almost every single one of those stories.... should just rename the site... "Dream up the weirdest masturbation story possible... and post it here" hehe nothing against you hijack.. .this is entertaining stuff... but people are stupid hehe

Yeah that person was definetly was a lier, as a paramedic I can tell you that if any paramedic was called on this he isnt gonna touch the bottle let alone drill a damn hole in it. Most would have a hard time not busting out laughing though ! :bowrofl:

[Master Chief]

It's amazing the human race has managed to last this long... :eek4:

ughword

I really hope those people are lying about those stories...because if they aren't, something is terribly wrong with the world.

[tkd_guy01]

Can we say "Some scenes from the next American Pie film"? :rofl:

[maxcummings]

Seems like the spot to post a story of my own.

I learned about sex when I was 6 and was always facinated by it. I had to learn as much as I could about it. For some reason when I was 12 my dad started subscribing to Playboy. He didn't try to hide it (left them laying on the bathroom floor), so I would always check them out. My favorite section in the whole magazine was The Advisor. In one article someone mentioned using Creme de Menthe during oral sex to increase pleasure. I never fogot this. Just put it in my list of things to try when I got older and I could put it to use. Well a couple of years later I learned about masturbation, and this memory came leaking back into the front of my mind. We didn't have any Creme de Menthe at my house... we had Creme de Cacoa, but that wasn't gonna give me the cooling sensation I was looking for. One day, while brushing my teeth in the shower, it occured to me that toothpaste had the same cooling sensation and as a bonus it would act as a lubricant. It was great for first 30 seconds and then it began to burn, much like icy hot would I suppose. I couldn't rinse it off fast enough. To make things worse, some of the tooth paste actually went inside the tip of my penis. I tried to rinse it out with the shower streams, then tried to pee. That helped a little, but for the good part of the morning I had a burning sensation running through my boyhood. Stupid, I know... but I was young and experimental.

[ninjer]

Holy Crap man You PPL ARE FRICKEN CRAZY@!#!! I JUST MASTURBATE...w/o all this shit wow man and for the last stor you shoulda put this in your post :firejack: .

[vampiricstrange]

good god why aree people so stupid ughword

[sillyrabbit]

:duh: wouldnt creme de menthe do the same thing???.....alcohol burns going down, i cant see it not burnin when its on such a sensitive area

[maxcummings]

You know, I'm not really sure. After the toothpaste incendent I lost all desire for any type of cooling sensation anywhere near my package.

[fordguy16]

they are funny

[JoeyHarrington]

not caught yet, hope i never am

[clouderold]

ughword