Why I will always be single

[Insaniteus]

This will be a fairly violent-sounding rant as I'm quite pissed off and depressed atm, so bear with it.

I will always be single. Why? Because I'm the opposite of what a girl wants. I'm nice, kind, caring, and treat those I care for like goddesses. If they have a problem, I listen, and I share my emotions with them in full. Anything they ask of me, I do, and I even go and surprise them with gifts and actions they didn't even ask for. See? The COMPLETE opposite.

Oh, I'm sure there's a few of you saying "But Insaniteus, those are all good traits, and all women say they want to meet a guy like that", but it's all horseshit. Women say that crap since they don't want to openly admit that what they REALLY want is a guy who's a total asshole, someone who will insult her and make her fight for even the tiniest bit of affection, someone who laughs at her problems and wants her to be his slave.

Don't beleive me? Well then, clearly you haven't had my experiences with women. If I had a dime for every time I was passed over in favor of an asshole, I'd be able to BUY a woman and keep her on retainer for a few months. Women flock to bad boys, and then these same women have the nerve to complain when the man they love for not giving a damn about anyone, doesn't give a damn about them.

Today I've learned more and more about a girl I used to care for online, and it just mirrors most of my life. This chick used me, and then blocked me. Then she decides to tell a friend of mine that I scared her by saying things like *gasp* "I love you" and being too nice to her. So, what does she go and do? You guessed it. She runs off to a friend of mine who's a total jerk really, and he's just playing with her feelings to get naked pictures out of her, then he plans on blocking her and enjoying the "spoils of victory".

Now, I'm not stopping him, but I can't help but feel wronged somehow as she's already gone halfway with this guy who's obviously just using her, but she wouldn't even consider it with me, felt uncomfortable around ME. I would've never done anything against her, this guy plans on sharing the pics with everyone he knows to boost his image. As usual, a girl choses to be abused rather than sticking with a nice guy.

So, this brings me back to the thesis of this rant. I'm going to be single forever. Why? Because women hate nice guys, and I don't have the heart to be mean. In domestic abuse cases, the women almost always still love the man even though he beats her up. It's the same thing really. Why is it that kindness is so threatening? A friend of mine made the most sense by saying that being too nice isn't "manly" and is awkward for girls, so they avoid niceness and go to what they're used to, jackoffs.

So, I kinda hate the way the world works, and how I'll never find a girl that loves me. I wish kindness got me more than just stepped on once in awhile....

-Insaniteus-

[silver77]

Just bad luck dude ... maybe you need to lower your er... no... ok... Rather than assuming a chick will like being respected, you've got to go after a chick who will... There are plenty of dodgy people out there who are gonna love being beaten on by some asshole, and there are a stack more who want to be treated right.... You just gotta match yourself to the right kind of woman...

See this is why I keep my opinion on 'real' matters to myself... that rant made sense to me.

[ims0punk]

I don't want to be with an asshole. When my boyfriend acts like an asshole to me, I tell him to talk to me another day. Need I say more? If he's going to be a dick to me, then I don't want him around me, plain and simple. I'm not with him so he can treat me like shit, I'm around him 'cause I want to be when he's going to be sweet, kind, caring, yada yada yada. Just stick with it and keep your chin up.. We're all looking for someone like you, sometimes we just look right through.

[jas626]

Uh......how do i say this without sounding like a dick? We want to see the pictures!!!

[jeeves744]

AMEN!!!!!! its the damn truth and im going through the same thing right now. I had the girl i love leave me because i want a serious relationship and she wants her space. Girls only say they want a nice guy because thats what they have been told they should want. But they really want the wannabe pimps and players who are complete assholes to them.

[bobbydigital]

Bitches ain't sh$! but hoes and tricks!!!! I'm in the same boat, I'm a very nice guy compared to most of my friends when it comes to relationships. Seems like the friends I have that cheat on their gf's get so many more gf's than I do. I guess I'm just a relationship type of guy? F#c! it, I'm going to go cheat on my gf!!!!

[sonrisa10201]

i am sorry that you are in this situation. i can honestly say that i have passed up a nice guy and gone for a dickhead in the past. and its tough to explain, guys who are nice seem less appealing while you have the chance with them because they aren't always the most macho guys, so its hard not to go for the ass hole who seems all manly. i knwo that this isnt going to help you at all, but keep on looking, you will find someone who is perfect for you, and then it wont matter how many times girls didnt pay you the attention you deserved because you will be happy and wont ever think about the past, except when it is thinking about all of the selfish bitches you could be stuck with now, instead of the wonderful woman i know you will meet. however, if it is any conselation to you, from experience, after girls realize that they passed up a totally wonderful guy who could make them happier than they could ever imagine for some piece of shit loser, it hurts a lot, and i know you are probably like so what? that still does nothing for me. but you will have forever impacted her life, and her standards in men. i don know if that makes sense to you, but i tried to explain it, either way, its a sucky feeling.

[OrdinaryGirl]

Insan, you are very young, as are the girls you are interested in. I'm sorry to say it, but young girls (and I won't deny the existence of rare exceptions to this rule) are stupid and have their priorities fucked right up. So given some time and shitty experiences, they will be looking for a nice guy to settle down with. So don't change! Be there and be just as nice, and there will come a period in your life where you will be fighting them off.

It sucks for now. I know it does, but being a good person who shines above the rest WILL work out in your best interests, I promise. What goes around comes around, even if it takes a while and you will find a girl who cherishes you for all the things you are. :)

[mandingo]

You just need to do what I did. Find a neglected married woman online whose husband is an alcoholic jerk and treat her like you mentioned and BAM..She's yours! Smart women will eventually realize what they want and you just need to be there when they are looking.

Now if they stay with the same type of guys year after year, then they are stupid and not worthy of your attention or pity.

[Insaniteus]

Uh......how do i say this without sounding like a dick? We want to see the pictures!!!

I figured someone would say this. Thing is, I still don't wanna do anything like that to her.

Thanks for the advice (I even understood Sonrisa's point lol), and I'm not gonna change. I tried that before and I couldn't hold it for long.

Oh, and I don't feel young, I feel like I'm old. I've got a friend my age who's married, my younger brother has been dating the girl of his dreams for a year and a half now, and I've got zilch. The older I get, the harder it becomes to meet people, and I always get to thinking that I'm just running out of time.

-Insaniteus-

[vixy022685]

I am 19 and will be the first to say that girls my age are STUPID. I them with these players and shit.. all they seem to want is some nice arm candy.

Look around you and the girls and women of substance who might just sneak up and bite you with something good :) My boyfriend is a 'nice guy' in fact, his first girlfriend dumped him after 2 days for a JERK who ended up doing all sorts of shit to her! We were best friends for a while and I started to realize I liked him.. and I suppose vice versa and we clicked. He's 20, I'm 19.. so we still have a ways to go, but everyone figures we'll be together for a long time. We hang out all the time and don't annoy each other (that's a strange one for me, I'm pretty easily annoyed). So don't worry, you'll find her. Just may take a little while :)

[La_LovelyLady]

Most of what I would say here has already been said. I wish that there was good solid advice or something that anyone could say that would make you feel better. Insani, I am the way I am as well...and actually it gains me little respect to be what others think of as uptight or rather prudish (yes...I know what many think). For me, it's hard to understand people not liking me, men as well as women...simply because I pride myself on being a good person, a great friend and someone willing to help anyone in need. I've had my share of men that never could appreciate me and my good nature...they ventured out to find something more their type. Obviously I wasn't it. Those that know me offline, and the very few that actually cross the line of getting to know me online...know I am genuine, I'm not as uptight as many of you think, and I actually have a good personality. I've been told I'm self obsorbed....also by those who don't actually take the time to know how sincere and actually open minded I am...so yes Insani...I do know how you feel. Life doesn't offer us a fair deal...or so it seems...but in the end...I know who I am...and know what I deserve...and so should you. If those people don't see you for being the good person you are, leave them behind. You deserve better than someone who can't look at you with adoring eyes and adoring heart. Don't lose sight of who you are, and what you want in life. It will come...be patient sweetie...cherish those that cherish you...the right woman will come into your life. *kiss and hug*

[Stumpy]

Several things here, and I speak from experience.

first, Insan, I've mentioned to you the power of karma before. It is indeed a powerful motherfucker. Now, I'm not saying that to wish vengenance on some chick. If you set a pattern of letting girls walk all over you, then you are creating that karma as well. It's not right that they do it, but eventually you have to restrain yourself a bit as well. Picking up dinner on a first date is nice, flowers can be, but would you give her the keys to your car as well? It sounds extreme perhaps, but that tone can be set very early in a relationship, and no one - be they man or woman, except the most diseased and controlling types - wants a sychophant in a partner. I'm not saying don't care about someone, but in poker parlance, don't go all-in in the first few hands. You usually get busted out.

Secondly OG & Vixy are dead-on about girls maturing later in the regard of picking a partner. Sometimes you can't appreciate water until you've been burned. Most people are ungrateful for things they did not earn. In regards to a woman, if she does not feel she has done anything to warrant your kindness, she will reject you to spare herself the uncomfortable feelings she gets from it. As women age, they tend to get better about handling these things.

Thirdly, LLL made a great point about someone adoring you as well. Dude, unless you are a child molester or politician, you deserve to have that. Everyone does. But it absolutely takes time. You can't bake bread in 5 minutes, you can't distill bourbon in a week, and you can't build a house in a day. All those things are worth having, but they take time. So does love.

I loved a girl for many years. We weren't always together, but she was always the standard. I tried giving her everything, taking care of her, etc. but it didn't matter. Couldn't force her to feel something she didn't. It's not even that she didn't love me, I think she did in her own way. She simply was not, and to my knowledge is still not, ready for a mature love. I learned not to get burned by her again, and it was a painful fucking lesson.

You my man sound like you are ready for a mature love, but you cannot project that onto someone else without getting burned.

Chin up! Life is a learning process, and you're learning. For that you are to be congratulated.

It's also why you will not be perpetually single ...

[elfoozo]

Two words:

Mailorder brides.

What?? You think I'm kidding? Ok, maybe it's 3 words... but still!!! A buddy of mine had the exact same problem. He was super nice. Always came up short and got shit on by the ladies. So he started expanding his scope if you will and ended up somehow on an overseas forum/dating service. In not much time at all, he found a compatible partner that after about 2 years of them traveling back and forth to eventually evolve into them getting married recently. He's a lucky fella too because she's really super nice (and stacked too!) My point is, the cultures are different enough that a lot of the crap you've been dealing isn't globally observed. You might just be looking on the wrong side of the pond. :)

[billpl]

Insaniteus, the secret is really quite simple.

"Always put a girl on a pedestal, but never bow."

trust me on this one....

[RacerX93]

I quote Ferris Bueller. "You can't respect someone who kisses your ass."

Believe me, I know. I kissed many a girl's ass in my younger days. It took me far too long to learn that simple truth.

[superphi]

Amen Insan, Amen. I've reallized that no matter how much you do for them, what they really want is a little bit of a struggle... give them everything they want in the begining and there is nothing to look forward to in the end. Women, at least those between the ages of 14 and 25, seem to think that relationships are a fight to see who the dominant partner is. As they age they slowly reallize that it's not a competion but a cooperation, and that your willingness to pretty much bend over backwards is not a trait to be feared but, rather, to be embraced. I know this doesn't help either of us right now, as I am in the same boat now as you, but after many conversations with close friends some older some younger and watching how women of various ages responde to different developements in life, this is the conclusion that I have come too. So, just remember, women will someday reallize that we are what they want and we will be happy. Being the nice guy pays off, keep listening to their problems and being there for them to cry too. As was said before, it's Karma.

[noob79]

If your already what the women wants she has nothing to bitch to her girl friends about or things to fix with you. Then your boring and she needs a new man.

Key is to balance enough bad things with doing enough good things to keep the women around.

I think after you have been married for years and years most women are to fearful to try to move on so she yours for keeps lol.

[Juan.Camaney]

Eric,

I was in your shoes. Then I learned to be an asshole. Now the girls I was nice to come back to me, and I use them and let them go. I have a revolving door policy. Any girl I talked to nice and knows where I am, who I am, and what I do now, has ALWAYS came back. But here's the hard part, DON'T ACT NICE WHEN THEY COME BACK! They'll just leave.

It's not as hard as it seems to go from nice guy to asshole, sure I'm nice to friends and girls I have very little interest in, but with girls in general, I'm a cocky arrogant summbitch and act like I dont care. It's all a game, find your niche and learn to play. I'm not saying be a player, I'm just saying fight them fire with fire.

Also, learn to flirt! It helps big time.

[aaz4quitters]

I know exactly how you feel Insani and I have to agree with everybody so far. However I would also like to add my own inquiry/complaint! I don't know how I do it but I always end up attracted to woman who have recently been or are being burned. I like to call my situation the "knight in shining armor syndrom." I've noticed a pattern in my dating the last 2 years or so that most of the girls I have met are recovering from a bad relationship, and I am one of the nice guys. I love doing what I can to help her out however I can but it usually leads up to more than what I bargained for. It always starts out as friends, hanging out, goofing off and occasionally talking about previous relationships. Then there's the attraction and things progress relatively normally. Here's the part that pisses me off! How do you go from spending alot of time together and talking on the phone all the time throughout the day for no reason at all, to sudden cold shoulder and no contact whatsoever. Now, leading up to this during the ex- complaining stage was the " I just want a nice guy, somebody who will, :blah: :blah: :blah:......" and not that I'm trying to be exactly that I just am. Then there is the other bull shit route where it goes fine and when it comes time to making it official you get the "I'm not ready for another serious relationship right now!" line. Which is fine, I'm an understanding guy. I don't expect anything major from anybody especially someone fresh out of any relationship. BUT, next thing you know they're dating one of your "friends" (usually a player or asshole) or just some other dickhead. No! this does not mean that I am just out looking for woman who are hurt or vulnerable and trying to take advantage of them I just end up in this situation everytime. Unforunately this means I am in the same boat of being indefinately single! Any thoughts on my little predicament. Thanks in advance.

[nitro_D]

I know where you are coming from, however there are some true ladies out there that dont want to be treated like shit but you got to look for them.Stay away from the 20 something partying bitches. They are nothing but a good lay and sometimes not even that. Look for a mature woman that is career minded but also enjoys life. Fuck the bar sluts, coeds and those types.

[i3eeker]

From what i've learned in the past, girls do like guys who treat them good, but they don't like guys who smother them with affection, by either moving things too fast,( ie. telling a girl you know online you love her probably scared her", or wanting to hang out with their girl every second of every day. You can still be nice guy without telling them how much you like them the second or third date. Trust me, i've scared off many a great girl by being too nice. But, i've learned my lesson, and as someone said earlier "Put them on a pedestal, but never bow."

[hello1]

girls are the shit. without them you only have two pleasure tools. (left and right hand)

[GmanJenks]

Hear Hear!!! What you say is true. However I have learned that you have to be who you are no matter what. If you change yourself just to get the piece of tail you want, you still won't be happy. I have been told there are women out there that want the guy you described yourself as, when I find one, I'm keeping her, if I find a second, I'll send her your way.

[Insaniteus]

if I find a second, I'll send her your way.

*sniff*, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me :rofl:.

-Insaniteus-

[punkguy]

I don't want to be with an asshole. When my boyfriend acts like an asshole to me, I tell him to talk to me another day. Need I say more? If he's going to be a dick to me, then I don't want him around me, plain and simple. I'm not with him so he can treat me like shit, I'm around him 'cause I want to be when he's going to be sweet, kind, caring, yada yada yada. Just stick with it and keep your chin up.. We're all looking for someone like you, sometimes we just look right through.

Yeah, but you are still with him. Psychologically, you don't want to give that up. If you meant what you'd said, you would have dumped him the second/third/fourth time it happened.

But unfortunately what Insaniteus is true. I'm jsut like him, and I have the same luck. Nice guys finish last, and girls don't want nice guys, with a sense of humour. More often than not, they want the good looking arsehole/rich arsehole, rather than the slightly uglier caring guy. Nice guys always finsh last. :mad1:

[stravinsky]

I feel for you man. That's happened to me too many times; and all I can say is you have to keep trying. I mean, you can turn into the asshole, and try to ignore women's feelings and all; but if that's not you, you shouldn't change. I say follow the old adage, "It's better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all." However, the quote from Ferris Bueller (sp?) hits home as well. Good luck.

-S.

[Dawlface]

girls always want what they cant have. u have to seem like u have ur own life and ur own thing going on, or they are going to go see what else they can find because they know u will still be sitting there waiting for them to come back. girls, just like guys, love a challenge. if something is too easy or just falls right in our lap and kisses our ass, we dont want it. yes its fucked up, but thats the way it is. girls dont like complete assholes, but u have to stick up for urself and not kiss girls asses or they will never respect u

[Indigenous]

I feel ya. A good percentage of the women attracted to me are drawn to my "bad boy" look. Then once they find out that I actually respect women and treat them as equals, the head for the door. I know it can be frusterating as hell always hearing how women want someone who will treat them good, respect their mind and body, etc and then see them ditch you for some shallow asshat who will most likely treat her like shit. However, there are plenty of women out there who honestly want a good man.

So whats the difference between women who seem to seek out assholes and women who want honest, healthy relationships?

Self-respect.

Find one with that and you're good as gold.

[mtaiken]

I had the same problem. Too nice. But I finally found someone who appreciates me.

I'm with the others though... Let's see some pics!

[volfro]

So whats the difference between women who seem to seek out assholes and women who want honest, healthy relationships?

Self-respect.
Amen.

I'm not gonna add more dating tips to this thread. I'll just say wait. Be patient.

I was in your shoes a few years ago. I felt as though, during high school, I was being passed up for idiots. Which I was. It's true. But the fact is, girls get smarter as they get older. A little emotional maturity and self-respect go a long way when it comes to ladies. When they appreciate themselves more, they'll appreciate you more.

volfro

PS: I can't resist. I have to add a stinkin' dating tip. MYSTERY. It seems backwards, but listen: the less girls know about you, the more they like you. The jerks that get the girls don't let on much about themselves; however, the difference between you and them is that they have nothing to back up the mystery with. They turn out to be shallow and womanizing; all they get is the pink. It seems to me that the girls, when they go for these guys, don't know the guys are jerks--and the guys don't tell them. But once curiosity is piqued, the cycle starts. SO: ask questions, and when you're asked, use short answers. Et cetera. Too much bleeding heart too early is disastrous.

Regardless, you'll find the right one. And when you do, your former online friend will be a joke, because the feelings between you and your 'one' are so beyond that.