how to forgive and forget

[Te2ting]

hey guys, its been a while since I've visited these forums asking for help but its about that time again.So heres some background, Ive been dating this girl for about a year, we are madly in love with each other and always have been.we got to the same university and spend just about every day together. We have so much in common and Im definetly sure that this is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with.

Recently Ive hit that point in a relationship where things just seem stale, boring, like the love fades, but honestly i think that happens to everyone once in a while, so I suggested we take a break, she was really depressed and sad about it b.c her feelings for me or our relationship never changed. so while we took our break, which lasted roughly a few weeks before i started feeling that spark again she was deeply down and stressed but she said she was willing to wait for me and for our relationship. well yesterday while i was taking her to her class everything seemed fine, we made out for a while since it had been really long since i had seen her and held her in my arms, we werent officially back together yet but we both knew it would happen soon, and she was completely fine when i dropped her off at class, i told her i would come back and pick her up when her class was over.

heres the problem

When i went to pick her up from class i walked up to her and I noticed that her eyes were somewhat different, and her speech seemed slurred, she couldnt walk and she could barely stand up right. Imidietly i noticed that she was high, I know that look b.c we used to smoke weed together, but we both agreed we would stop, so we were sober for most of our relationship. I asked her what she took and she said she took some pills her friend gave her, she said she took around 10 pills. she said she wasnt trying to kill herself, she just didnt want to think about everything that was going on, she wanted to feel numb in some way, but that she didnt know she would get like that, she thought it would just make her relaxed but instead the opposite happened, she was completely smashed. She doesnt know what she took, she got them from a friend.

so this is the part that really gets to me, she didnt think or give a shit about anyone else but herself, she just wanted to have her fun, no matter if she died in the process. she didnt take into consideration the fact that she could have taken her life, she was hurting herself and she didnt take into consideration all the people that love her and would truly miss her if she were gone. Seeing her high actually hurt me, made me drop a few tears, it killed me inside b.c i just can't stand seeing her like that anymore, which is why we quit in the first place. it was the first time she had ever taken pills and she is trully regretfull, she is mad at herself b.c she fcked up the possibility of us gettiing back together, or honestly idk.

so heres my question, do i forgive her for what she did. I really dont know if i can forgive and forget...idk if i can just let it go, i dnt think i can forgive her for making such a foolish decision that could have cost her life, for not caring or stopping to think about anyone else but herself and having fun. honestly im lost idk what to do?

advice?

[shiiboi]

First of all, I don't get that thing about you being certain that you love her and she's definitely the one you want to spend your life with-- but you got bored and dumped her? That's not what you do to people you love.

And when you find that she's done something self-destructive, instead of feeling empathy-- you get angry, somehow it's all about you?

You've got some growing up to do, pal.

[Te2ting]

you know what, your right. I need to take a step back and look at this from a different perspective, honestly im confused i don't understand why i got angry. Well idk
i have so much on my mind right now I honestly dont get whats wrong w. me, i was in the wrong for getting angry instead of trying to help her out. I know im wrong for getting angry, but idk why i just cant help it, your right in the fact that Im twisting this in a selfish way I don't want to be angry but I dnt know how not be to. All this might sound confusing...but thats b.c im honestly confused right now

[fmb]

Help keep her going, but remember she is an adult and can make her own decisions. I don't want to seem like I'm whacking you with a stick, but you can't have things both ways. If she's the one for you, you should be with her. If she's not the one for you, go you separate ways.

[gorillamango]

I think you're being unreasonable. First off if you were still "on a break" when this happened what right do you have to get angry at her behaviour? Second, like you said she didn't realize that that would happen to her, and instead of being understanding and there for the girl you were sure you'd spend your life with, you get upset and make her feel worse? Ouch.

People make mistakes. If you do end up spending your life with this girl I can almost guarantee something stupider than this will happen. So if you're not going to forgive this (when as you said she's truly remorseful about it) then you are both better off moving on separate.

That said, I think you should suck it up and get over it because by the sounds of it you both care about each other and IMO one mistake like this (it's not like she cheated on you or lied to you) is not worth ending a relationship unless you are looking for an excuse to do so. Also, she needs a better understanding of "I shouldn't take a handful of pills, especially when I don't know what they are"... did you ever find out what they were? Like was it 10 advils or 10 e-bombs? Either way that's not a great way to deal, but I think she deserves another chance after putting up with your "lets take a break" idea.

[abcde123]

If the girl I care most about in life did the same thing, anger would be last on my list of reactions. I'd be beating myself up over why I didn't see it coming and trying hard to figure out why and how I could have and still can help. Sometimes life comes crashing down and it is really hard to think about anyone else but yourself...you want to get away and just ignore it. Have you ever had a beer or gotten drunk because you were depressed or upset? When you get to that point you likely don't feel like there is anyone else who really cares or understands anyway. I don't know what you said to here then; hopefully you were more supportive than you sound in your post, because it doesn't sound like you are on her side trying to understand and care. You said she wasn't thinking about anyone but herself, but where is your anger coming from? Sure what you said about her actions hurting others is true, but I tend to think that if your concern was genuinely about her and not about your own possible loss, you might be reacting much differently and forgiving her wouldn't be so hard.